Hmm...

In the midst of the countless things I have to do (which I'm not really doing), I find myself thinking about countless other things. Something struck me one day - I'm not known for the person I am. Yes, I will explain that.

See, when people are asked about me, I'm inevitably "the one who's musically talented", "she plays the piano and the guitar", "mel's got the gift of music". All very well and good. But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be remembered as the one who plays music and writes her own songs. I don't want that as my epitaph. Now I'm wondering why, when people are asked to speak about me, they don't say, "the gentle one", "she's got a heart for people" or whatever else... (I'm not saying that I'm the above. I was just using those as examples). I don't want to be known for my gifts and talents. I want to be known for the beauty of my character. Surely there is something about me that people like? Surely you can find one aspect of me that is not repulsive? As much as it is fantastic to know that people acknowledge your talents, it hurts when that's all they can say about you. It hurts when you realise that may be all they can see. And it hurts when your talents outshine your character.

My talents are just tools for me to serve the Lord with, to serve His people with. They are not who I am. They are not me. Melissa is not about music, although she is pretty good with it. Melissa is a person. With facets. With facets that few have bothered to explore. Perhaps it is because they meet the music and they stop there, content with knowing that. What if one day, all of a sudden, I decide to stop playing the piano, stop playing the guitar and stop writing songs? Forever. What would I be known for then? My blue glasses?

The danger of having a blog is that it allows you to whinge. Uncontrollably. Maybe some think it's therapeutic. I'm not arguing with that. After all, I do use a blog. There is such a fine line between whinging and releasing. I don't want to whinge about my circumstances. I'm a very, very blessed person. All I'm trying to release is a tinge of sadness. Yes, I am sad that I have become an empty musical instrument. Is it because I want people to see me in a better light? Partly. I can't deny that. More so, I'm sad because I haven't made enough of an impact on people. I haven't touched enough lives or touched them deep enough.

So at the end of it, what's next? Am I going to wallow in it. No. Am I going to do something about it? Yes. I need a positive attitude. Btw, you guys in Singapore, this post was not written with you in mind. I know that you all have a deeper understanding of who I am. That's also because you've had more time with me or circumstances have allowed you to see me for the person I am. And I'm not berating anyone in Perth for not trying hard enough. If anything, I'm upset that I've not tried hard enough. Life lesson. Always make sure that you leave a little bit of heaven wherever you go.