I just came back from Bethany Mission Home. Or was that Bethany Methodist Home? Anyway, it's a nursing home under the care of the Methodist Welfare Services. We went there to perform at their little Christmas concert (read previous post) and I think the residents really liked it.

So the minute I arrived and stepped into the chapel, I started tearing. Wimp. I always cry when I'm at a nursing home. Cried my way through "Morning Has Broken" in Primary 6, sobbed at a nursing home in Albany, WA, and now this. My friend asked me if I ever thought about joining a ministry that reaches out to old people. I don't think I would. I mean, if I'm gonna cry every time I see them, I'd be pretty poor company don't you think? They'd be like, "why is this girl always so sad to see us??" But the fact of the matter is - I'm selfish. I don't want to commit myself to them because I know they don't have much time. And I don't want to be heartbroken when they pass on. Aren't I disgusting? I'm afraid I'll be hurt but I'm thinking only of ME. I just can't bring myself to give a bit of my heart to them. It's pathetic. I'm ashamed of myself.

See, now I don't even know how to end this post. I guess I'll just crawl into a hole and hide for a century. Selfish me again. Sigh.