Note to self: Driving and Crying are two activites that do NOT go well together.

Ha. Ha. Ha. That's me, trying to be witty and funny again. When I'm actually feeling like the stupidest loser in the whole wide world.

You know what? I'm not going to try to be funny. Because I don't feel like a comedienne at the moment. I just came back from his place where I went to return his guitar. Needless to say, the encounter wasn't as loving and caring as I would have liked (Ha. I'm trying to be funny again. I should really stop it). It was a far cry from the days of Sentosa and Bangkok. A very far cry.

And I cried. Like the little piggy that went to the market and cried all the way home. And I cried and I cried and I cried. All the way home. And I realised that my heart hasn't quite healed. Sure, I'm making some progress but I still can't bear to delete the pictures in my phone or the smses, for that matter. Now I see that my heart is really a shattered organ, precariously held together by threads of humour, distraction, work and yes, God. The grace of God.

The fact that I'm not drowning my sorrows and clubbing my life away is purely due to the grace and the mercy of God alone. I mean, I've tried it. All I ended up with was a blooming headache, nausea, cigarette smoke in my hair and about $50 less in my pocket. And it probably did some damage to my liver too. It was great while I was intoxicated and blabbering at the top of my lungs but once I came around, I felt worse than ever and it's just not worth it.

And now I find myself thinking about it again. About the good times. The great memories. And I feel completely helpless. Totally and utterly helpless. Yet there is this desire to be strong and weather the storm. But it's such a big storm : (

I wish someone would dry my tears : (