So it's finally here. Tomorrow's the day. Tomorrow formally marks the completion of 3 years of madness. It's been a heck of a ride. I'm biting my nails in anticipation. Not.

My graduation. You know, I'm not sure how many of you see it this way but for me, it's one of the defining moments of my life. It's one that says, "Hey, you're ok. You made it this far." So I did. So I tried. So I passed. So I get a degree. So what.

It's a pretty picture - young girl, fresh grad, plenty of opportunities waiting for her, journey just beginning.... I hope I don't make a mess of it. Like I did the past 20-odd years of my life. I want to see the world through rose-coloured glasses again. I'm losing it. I'm becoming a cynic.

Where's everyone? Where are all the people who are important to me? Lost. Paul, I've lost you. You don't even read this. I don't know why I even bother. Lil, I think I've lost you too. I don't know where you are anymore (and I don't mean literally). And I'm not berating anyone. I'm indulging in my sadness. Which probably isn't a good thing. But I suppose that's what you do when you become a cynic.

So what's the catalyst? What's making me rant like a raving madman? Yes, graduation. Or more specifically, my really short guest list. Perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world is having tickets for your convo, which are not in demand. By your friends. Or family. Yes, I know mom and bro couldn't help it. I know they couldn't get leave but shucks, it hurts. It stinging hurts. And I know Lil or Cheryl or Paul couldn't be here. That's not their fault at all and I don't love them any less for that. Shucks. it really does hurt. I miss everyone.

Enough griping. I think I shall go indulge in some retail therapy. Dad will be in town in a few hours. Must look happy to see him. It's not that I'm not happy. Sigh, I should just stop complaining about who's not here and appreciate who's here. I don't want to age prematurely. See ya'll.. will update on the ceremony. Might not be so bad after all.