I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'd like to start off by giving my heartfelt thanks to Lil. Thanks for your listening ear. Thanks for leaving your phone on the whole night so I could call you if I really needed to. I always feel better after talking to you :)

This is it. It's ended. If you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about.

They say time heals. I don't know about that. We'll just have to wait and see. The road ahead is all too familiar. I'm thinking of the Billy Joel song, "Walk Down That Lonesome Road". I think it's Billy Joel anyway. It starts:

Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself
Don't turn your head back over your shoulder
And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon
Is shining high above the trees

I think those are the lyrics. I haven't heard this song since the AC choir guys sang it. It's a sad song but it's also a very poignant one. I recall my very first heartbreak (if you exclude kindergarten). And this song was playing in my head. And I cried and cried and cried. And I called it my heartbreak. Why? Because I felt my heart tear apart. You know, in a drawn and quartered fashion.

These things happen. You will have your happy moments and you will have your sad moments and you will have moments that happened in your dreams but never became reality. You will have unfulfilled wishes and unfinished symphonies. You will cry but one day you will cry no more.

Life doesn't stop to gather your tears, but God does. The sky was crimson in the wee hours of the morning and I felt God was crying with me too. I know He knows what I'm going through. In all honesty, it doesn't take the pain away. A relationship with God isn't about religious jargon or punctuating your sentences with, "Hallelujah, praise the Lord!". A relationship with God, amongst other religious stuff, consists of being honest with Him and telling Him that you DON'T feel alright. That you're hurting. That you're upset. That you're not exactly pleased with the way He's doing things. But ultimately asking Him to heal and take over.

It hurts. I'm not pretending it doesn't, although I think I did a fantastic job of it today while out visiting with cell members. My life isn't a charade. But it isn't a melodrama either. So here I am, being honest and trying hard to cut down on the drama.

I'm drawing up a thank you list. For all the things you did for me. Know that I really appreciate each one of them, even the ones not mentioned. Thank you for:

- walking to my place to say you're sorry
- making me eat wasabi to clear my nose
- running through the rain to pass me herbal medicine
- staying awake at night to listen to me blabber on
- staying on ICQ just 'cos I'm on
- being my personal assistant during graduation
- taking me to Mandurah (even though I drove :))
- remembering my shoe size
- your various home-cooked meals
- just being there

This will be my last update until I'm ready to speak again. I'm still contactable via email and ICQ. Thank you all for having been a part of Cherries Jubilee. It's been real wonderful giving you a little peek into my life. You take care, everyone.

Bye.