I think I'm getting cynical. The notion of love seems very hard to grasp at the moment. Gosh, the power of a blog. I'm afraid of what I might type. God give me wisdom and restraint.

I feel like I'm baring my soul for the whole world. Which is fine when it comes to day-to-day activities, whinges or sharing a testimony. But when it gets deep down personal personal, it's scary for me. I mean, some people in Perth know I'm very defensive and private when it comes to such issues. In fact, some have been victim to cold stares and don't-pry-into-this-area-of-my-life looks. The only people I've willingly shared this part of my life with are the people who actually know a lot about it; people who will not judge me. People who honestly, sincerely, genuinely care for me. Not people who do it out of obligation. In case you're wondering, yes, there are people who care out of obligation. Because you're under their wings, because they promised to, because you were at the right place at the right time. I'm not saying it's good and I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying that I share with the people who truly care because they care and not because they have to.

Rambling. Sorry. I get carried away when I talk about things that affect me.

Loving someone is hard work. And I mean 'love' in all senses, in all situations. I think that if you want to love someone, you have to be prepared to hurt. The more you love someone, the more you're vulnerable to hurt, and the more painful it is when you actually do hurt. Imagine the pain our Father must feel each time one of His children hurts Him.

Loving someone means sometimes you just have to stand in the sidelines and watch, regardless of how much, how very much you want to run out and help and dispense your care. Love is when the Father sees us making a mistake but doesn't interfere because we need to learn to deal with stuff.

This is so not me. I don't write about these things in my blog. Mel does not discuss such personal emotions with the rest of the world. Yet I feel such a great need to release all the pent up hurt and sadness.

I have not mastered love. I press on.