You know, I've got all these emotions inside me that I can't release. Because I'm not supposed to. And because the person I most want to release it to doesn't want to know about it nor hear about it. But that's ok I guess. Then again, maybe not.

You will never know how I feel. Because you've never been through something like this before. And you will never be able to understand all that I'm going through. Because you don't want to. There are so many things that I need to tell you, that I need to let you know. Because it's hurting me and it hurts real bad. But I can't. Because I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid you'll break my heart all over again by telling me that you can't care for me because you're not supposed to. And I'm afraid that you'll get angry with me.

So what happens in the end? You'll never know. Because you never asked. Because you were trying to show me that you couldn't care for me. And the consequence of this charade, of this act, this pantomime, is ignorance.

Why won't you ask me how I feel? Why won't you ask how I'm getting on? Are you afraid of what I might say? Are you afraid that you'll have to bear the burden of my pain? You don't have to. That's God's job. Why are you so afraid to show me that you care? Why are you afraid to show me that you're human? Do you want me to hate you? I don't want to.

It doesn't make things easier if you hide your feelings or show me that you don't care. In all honesty, this feels like a hit-and-run. There was damage done but the driver's no where to be seen after the accident. He just speeds off without checking to see if the person is dead or alive. And he thinks the person will be better off that way. But he is so wrong. He is so wrong.

I hear things from people. Different people telling me snippets of news. But that will never be enough. That will never satisfy. Because "other" people were not in the relationship. You can't leave the story-telling to the supporting cast or the extras. The main characters need to do it. That's why they're called the main characters.

And so I sit up from having been knocked down. And I'm dazed and looking around. And wondering what in the world just happened. And I can't find the answers. Because the driver drove off. And I'm desperately trying to make sense of everything. And I'm hoping for an email, an sms, a call, to explain every single thing once and for all. So that I can get on with my life.

But I know the chances of getting any explanation are very slim. Maybe I'm just thickheaded. You have to tell me something many times for me to register it. So like, if you tell me, "I hate you", you'd probably need to say it over and over for me to get it. The same goes for "I love you". Or maybe I'm just stubborn. I refuse to give up without a fight. But this time, I think I've fought hard enough. Any more and I'd probably kill him :)

So I don't know why I said all this anyway. I've been told that I want people to see me as someone who's confident and able, but in reality, I'm not so different from the ordinary person. I'm vulnerable too. And I cry just like everyone else. When you hit me, I will hurt. When you hug me, I'll feel nice and warm and loved (this sounds like an ad for a doll - "Pat her head and she nods! Batteries not included").

So please, treat me like a person. Even if you can't treat me like a friend. It's all I ask now. It would really help me.