Been going through a bad patch lately and haven't had the inclination to blog. Today though, I saw 2 incidents which made me cringe and brought back memories. Early this morning, I was on the escalator going up to the train platform when I heard a "smack!". I looked up and saw a Malay lady scolding her daughter (I assume) and the girl had a hand to her face. The poor girl was about 15 years old or so. To be slapped in public by your mother is a terrible thing. Heck, to be slapped in public by anyone is a terrible thing. But I think it hurts so much more when it comes from your own mother. You can't imagine the feeling of shame, rejection and heartache the young girl must have been feeling. I know what it feels like, so I made a conscious effort not to join the rush hour crowd in staring at her.

At the end of the day, I was sent to Spotlight (in Tampines!!!) on an errand. While I was there, I saw this little girl run up to her mother with some cloth. Her mother (who was angry with the girl earlier for touching things she shouldn't) shouted at her and said, "You go away! Don't come near me, ever!!" and walked briskly away. The little girl hurried after her. And I winced. About 15 years ago, I was in almost the exact same situation. My mother was angry with me about something and we were in the carpark. She told my brother and my dad to walk away and leave me alone. With absolutely no sense of pride, I ran after them. But with every step I took in their direction, they would take one in another. It was almost like a futile chase. And second by second, I felt my self-worth and pride diminish. Maybe that's why now I never run after buses, even if they're just a few steps away :) The last time I put my pride aside and ran after something, I had to think very carefully about it. About whether it was worth going through all the emotions of rejection and diminished self-worth again. I decided that it was. So I ran. Or rather, I flew. Quite literally. At the end of the day, I had to deal with those same emotions again. But it was ok. It was a calculated risk. And I've realised that I'm a person who takes calculated risks. See, you can never be absolutely certain about something. Unless God speaks to you extremely clearly. And so, we've got to take those calculated risks. Not be silly and rash or impulsive. Simply taking a leap of faith, having weighed the pros and cons, being fully aware of what you're getting yourself into. And life is about that. It's about the calculated risks that we must take. And for those of us who believe that the Lord leads us, it's about listening, obeying and trusting.

For all mothers and mothers-to-be (all parents in fact): Please don't humiliate your children in public. I can't stress this enough. You don't know the extent of damage you could cause. Sure, the Lord heals. But wouldn't you rather not have those scars? Wouldn't you rather not subject your children to those terrible memories? Why look for the cure when you have the chance to avoid the mistake? I'm telling you now that it has a lifelong impact and emotional scars like these take a long time to heal.

I don't seem to have much to say about my life. It's rather dull at the moment. One thing though - you know the barriers that open and close when you tap your card at the MRT stations? One of them closed in on me the other day (one side of it). I still have a bruise on my thigh. I should complain. In fact, I probably could sue. But I can't be bothered.

Feeling pretty down.