I haven't watched a movie in the longest time. Well, there's kinda no one to watch movies with anyway. So all I can pray for is a dearth in filmakers' creativity so that there won't be any good movies out. Seeing as that's unlikely though, I will just be content with re-runs of Friends.

As I type this entry, I'm all too aware that the year is fast drawing to a close. I haven't done the usual reflect-on-the year-gone-by thing yet. I bet I'll do it soon. But this year has been the most crazy yet. And I seem to say that every year. Perhaps a few lessons I took away from this year has taught me things about myself I always suspected but never really confirmed. I learnt that I'm susceptible, just as everyone else is, to the monster that is Depression. It was always a condition I associated with people who gave up too easily, people who were neurotic, people who came from complicated backgrounds. At the start of 2004, I never expected to join the thousands of people around the world battling this disease. I thought I had the model life - loving family, teachers' kid, class monitor, school prefect, choir member, average B student with the occasional A, lifelong friends... the list really does go on. I don't think, at age 7, I could have seen this coming. My childhood ambition was to be a teacher. As I grew slightly older, I wanted to be a flight stewardess, actress, lawyer, psychologist, archaeologist, NASA astronaut, florist, journalist, playwright, poet. Boy was I busy with all these jobs! Noble ambitions, all. No, I don't think at that time, I could have seen myself popping pills, crying every night, yearning to end my life.

But it happened.

And the only thing that saved me was the grace of God. The grace of God held me when I wanted to throw myself into the flames of darkness. The grace of God gently enveloped me in the warmest embrace. The grace of God firmly yet tenderly allowed me to experience the amazing love of God in a most personal way. This same God Who knows when I need encouragement, when I need a hug, rescued me from myself.

I've come away with a little more confidence. Not in myself, I never want to be confident in myself. I've come away with a confidence of my identity in Christ. And I know He loves me so, so much. He always does little things to remind me of His presence in my life, much like how a guy comes up with the sweetest, most creative ways of wooing a girl he fancies. And how that humbles me. That the God of the universe, the Maker of the heavens and the earth, would woo me. Me! Of all people! And you know what? He's a romantic :) He hugs me, gives me gifts of songs, takes me out on dates, whispers to me and writes me love letters. He's done more for me than any guy has, can, or ever will do for me. He's my Knight in Shining Armour :) I'm smiling just writing about Him. And I know I need nothing more than Him and that I cannot settle for anything less than Him.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see.