I'm feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. I wonder if I made the right decision to take on so many responsibilities at a go. LEAP is certainly taking its toll on me. Even though we meet just once a month, there are book reviews and assignments to hand in. Apart from that, there's the publicity campaign for our year-end retreat that I'm supposed to be in charge of and have done absolutely nothing about. We are also working on the 4th issue of Adhesive at present and there's the Psalmist worship conference coming up. I'm so ready to throw in the towel and scream. I get emails or phone calls everyday asking me about Adhesive matters or retreat and LEAP stuff and there have been so many times I stopped myself from shooting a curt email back to tell them to do whatever they want cos I just can't be bothered anymore.

I'm so tired. It's different from when I was in uni and I could do church stuff concurrently cos back then, uni didn't tire you out like work does now. I'm finding it really tough to come back and work on more stuff for church when I've just had a long tiring day battling the big bad world. It's so draining. All I want to do when I come home is veg out. I want to have my dinner, watch some TV, check my email, play some guitar and go to bed. I don't have the energy to read a thought-provoking book for my book review, plan out publicity campaigns and collate, write and edit articles for the newsletter. I just don't. Especially not when I seem to work 12-hour days.

What is my primary goal? To be a good employee? A great writer? Facilitator? Coordinator? What? Is church work primary or secondary? Is it church work or is it supposed to be a lifestyle? Is this what a burnout is? I'm so tired. I really need a holiday. I know I've said it before but I really really mean it.

I need a break.

Before I breakdown.

Again.