Yesterday I was having a conversation with a group of people. This revolved around the possible reality of my landing a job in the previously mentioned position. I was asked if that was what I wanted to do, what I'm interested in. And I very honestly said that I'm in a stage of my life right now where I don't know what I want yet, don't know what I want to do. That drew a shocked "HUH?!" from one of the people listening in and very honestly, I was irritated. I was angry. What is so wrong with me not knowing what I want to do yet? I'm only 22 for crying out loud! Do I have to have a plan for the next 70 years of my life already? I'm not looking for career advancement. I'm not looking for money, I'm not looking for power. I'm just a young girl, stepping gingerly into the "real world", trying to learn how to be a responsible adult. Unfortunately, I don't have that many good examples around me so I'll have to figure this out more or less on my own and with loads of help from the One up there.

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I don't know what I want to do. I'm not ashamed to say it either. "HEY WORLD, LISTEN UP! I, MELISSA KONG, HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE AT THIS POINT. AND I'M NOT GOING TO HIDE THAT FACT. I'M NOT ASHAMED OF IT. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT JUST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW, I'LL NEVER KNOW IN THE FUTURE. IT'S A JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY. DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME BY PASSING JUDGEMENT ON ME NOW. I'M TRYING. DON'T MAKE ME GIVE UP."

Some people go to teaching school and their career is very much planned out for them. After 4 years, you automatically graduate to become a full-fledged teacher. They don't have to worry about the economy because no matter what happens, they have a job waiting for them upon graduation, handed to them on a silver platter.

Some people go to medical school for 6 years. They graduate knowing that they will become doctors. Of which kind, it's up to them but they will definitely work in the medical field. They know what they want to do, their lives are planned out for them.

Me, I don't have the luxury of all that (or shall we say, I'm fortunate not to have to limit myself like that). So don't blame me for not knowing what I want yet. Don't point your fingers because that is highly annoying and not becoming of a friend. I'm glad I don't know what I want. I'm glad I'm not some boring old geezer who wants to be an accountant for the rest of his life.

Pardon what little sarcasm there is in this post. I'm not nice all the time. I just need to let go of all this frustration. And if there's one thing I really loathe in people, it's that of being judgemental. Especially if I'm the subject of it. Let me be myself. Allow me to discover myself and my purpose without pressure, without guilt. That is all I ask.