So it's been that long huh. Couple of things have happened since my last post so I shall just do a quick recap. Well, the most significant thing would probably be that I got engaged. It feels strange saying that. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a teeny bit of me that perhaps would want to be single forever. But that's between you and me. Shh.

I was going through Friendster as I do sometimes, just to see how friends are getting on and I happened to go to my ex-cell member's profile. My heart was deeply saddened to see him brandishing a cigarette and obviously partying hard. And I started asking myself if I was a bad cell leader. Should I have tried harder? What could I have done back then when he was still attending church? Did I fail him? Did I fail God? I know that everyone is responsible for their own actions but I had the chance to make a difference in his life. And I didn't. And that hurt. It hurt not because I didn't succeed in floating a halo above his head. It hurt because I think he's hurting God badly.

I met him again recently and he sheepishly admitted he wasn't attending church anymore. I don't know if you, whoever is reading this, will ever understand the myriad of emotions that I'm feeling. The tears are welling up in my eyes but I can't seem to cry. If I'm feeling this way, I can't even begin to imagine what God is feeling. I don't dare try.

I've had my fair share of ups and downs and far be it from me to judge anyone for their behaviour. I just hope they'll meet God intimately again.