I watched her from behind as I slowly followed in her footsteps. Hunched and shuffling with sporadic jerks, she was oblivious to the fact that her glasses were slipping down the bridge of her nose and her shorts were riding up her thigh. She mumbled in short spurts and continued her way, holding the key in her hand, ready to open the gate from 5 metres away.

I watch her each evening as we come back for dinner. I hold back the tears as I try fervently to recall what she was like before. I try really hard, I do. But the memories are getting fainter and fainter. Perhaps one day they will be forgotten. But no matter how we didn't get along before and how I used to be so upset and angry with her, she's still a part of me. Somehow.

For Mum, I hope this is music to your ears.

You gave life to me
And hoped in your heart I'd grow to be
Someone who'd make you proud
Who'd do all the things you never could

Who'd climb every mountain
Sail all the seas
Dance in the rain and
Swing on the trees

Who'd have a bright future
Better than yours
Who'd find only happiness knock on the door

So thank you for the dreams you dreamt for me
And all the whispered prayers you said for me
And even though you cannot hear me now
Please know that I am thankful for
The mother you have been to me.

How embarrassing. I just noticed that I spelt 'metaphorically' wrong in my last post.

Anyway, the new job has begun and I'm less than thrilled. I don't know why but I'm not really happy to be going to work. Partly because there are a number of things that should not need to be done but I have to do. For example, when I took the job, I was told I didn't need to clock in and out. When I started work, they also started a new system where I now do indeed have to clock in and out. That's fine by me. But NOT when the swipe card machine is a stupid 5 minute walk from the lift that takes me up to my office! So now I have to get to work early so I can swipe in on time then walk to the other end of the building and get to the office by 9am. Actually I have to get there before 9 because there's a daily morning informal meeting.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg. The people are not bad actually. And I like the fact that my office is a real office, located on an office floor, not some hideout in the back of the house. Oh, of course the fact that I'm located in the lovely shopping district is not too shabby either. Speaking of which, I need new shoes. NEED. NEW. SHOES.

Either that or I need a new pair of feet.

Well, I'm drained. Exhausted. Worn out. It seems like life is zooming past me and I'm just giddily spinning along.

I guess that's what happens when you don't do a stock take. Every now and then, I think it's important to revisit yourself and go, "so what's new, babe?". I think you start to lose yourself when you don't do that. And you lose it a little at a time until one day you wake up in horror, realising you don't know who you are anymore.

So yeah, you guessed it. I woke up in horror today. How methaphorically unglamorous. I could be really dramatic about it, I suppose. But who wants to read the rantings of a drama queen? Ok, I know some of you do but to be quite honest, I think a little bit of that drama queen has died too.

So what happens from here? I don't know but I suspect I need therapy. And it's gonna take a bit more than the retail sort. I'd like to just escape from life for a moment please. And if you don't mind, I'd like some tea and scones to go with that.