I knew it was going to be a bad day when I couldn't get on the train. Note - I couldn't get on the train, as opposed to - I missed the train. It was so very packed that by the time I got to the front of the giant crowd pushing its way into the belly of the fish, the huge jaws closed in my face. No worries, just take the next train. I ended up being 15 minutes early anyway.

The office is on the 18th floor. It is the only office on the 18th floor. When I arrived at 8.45am, the front door was locked. Great. To my left was the door leading to the staircase. To my right was a security access door. Behind me were the lifts. I would've looked like the world's greatest idiot if I took the lift all the way down to the first level again. There's nothing on the first level but the security guards at the counter. Seeing as I didn't want to be the world's second-greatest idiot standing around and waiting for the entire office to come in, I decided to hide myself in the stairwell. So I opened the door and started walking down the flights of stairs. I got to the 14th level when my feet started to hurt. Look, I'm not a wuss. I could've run all the way down if I were in trainers but I was in prissy heels that look good but scream DISCOMFORT. Oh, and why was I walking downstairs? Firstly, there are only 19 floors in the building and I was on the 18th. Secondly, I was hoping that by the time I walked to, say, the 10th storey, I could start walking up again and the office would be open. Is it obvious yet that I'm an idiot? To cut a painfully tedious story short, I finally managed to get in. The trick is to blend with a group of people who actually have security access and walk in with them.

So I was shown around the office and introduced to people. And then the boredom started. Let's just say that for 3/4 of the day, I was reading magazines. And drinking water (when you're bored, you drink water 'cos there really isn't much else to do). And going to the loo (when you're drinking that much water, you don't really have a choice). Now the loo is very interesting. There are 2 doors side by side. Both say "Ladies". Which is perfectly logical because this is a women's magazine office. And besides, when I was being shown around, I was told that these 2 loos are Ladies loos. So someone please explain to me what the row of urinals was doing in the "Ladies"??? When I first entered the loo, the sparkling urinals greeted me in unison and I did a double take. Uh-oh, I had done the classic foul-up, performed the ultimate blooper, made the top ten list of "Dumb Things To Do In An Office". I ENTERED THE WRONG LOO. Or did I? I did what I had to do as quickly as possible (apply lipgloss, that is) and calmly, albeit briskly, walked out to look at the sign on the door. No mistake. It said "Ladies". I'm fine with guys using the same loo if they stay in the cubicles. But if I were to walk in on a guy in midstream at the urinal, the following scenarios would be possible:

I'd:

1) Start laughing
2) Run out screaming
3) Stare
4) Giggle
5) Start a conversation

Any of the above, I'm sure, would render the poor guy terribly uncomfortable.

On my way home, I was once again treated to a delightful journey on the train with a billion other people. Only this time, the train was more packed than Centro on Ladies' Night. The stench of perspiration mixed with body odour filled the air and threatened to kill my senses. Everywhere I turned, some body part would be in my face. Then the Awful Guy boarded. We shall call him AG for short. AG was very big. I shall not call him fat (let's just say he was of a substantial size). My fingers were wrapped loosely around a metal bar - the one that has a glass panel attached to it. You know that glass panel next to the door that people always lean on? Well, AG decided to lean on that panel. And because AG was huge (let's not mince our words anymore), his body didn't just fit on the glass panel. It nicely landed on my fingers with a thud. And, get this, he DIDN'T care. Oh no. In fact, maybe he was uncomfortable. Uh-huh, so uncomfortable that he had to shift his body and thud down against my fingers again. No "sorry", no "excuse me", no nothing. Oh, woe was me....

At the end of it all, I have to say the train ride was far more interesting than my day at the office. I noticed a guy with a ear piercing. Ok, nothing unusual about that. But this guy's ear lobe had a hole that could fit a McDonald's straw through it. And guess what he was wearing in the hole? That's right. 3 cm of a McDonald's straw. Just think - if you got him to bend down real low and put his ear near the top of the drink, you could suck liquid up his ear piercing! I was pretty grossed out, not just by the size of the hole but by the choice of accessory.


Eeep. I'm nodding off at the computer. Better go take my shower now.