I ab sick. Agaid. I ab always sick. By dose is rudding. I ab dot havig a good tibe. I do dot like beig sick. Stupid flu bug. Stupidoodeedoo.

I ab sick.

:(

And I'm still getting acquainted with my phone. Earlier, when I turned on the computer, I heard these strange alien beeps and started to inspect the part of the computer I heard them come from. Unable to find the culprit, I sat down and looked at my phone. 1 New Message. Ahhh....

Took a day off today. Love the feeling of not going to work and not having to feel guilty about anything. Not that I usually feel guilty. Right? I mean, I have nothing to feel guilty about. Right? I mean, who says I'm feeling guilty? Or that I'm even guilty for that matter? Huh? Huh?

Aaaanyway, that's about all there is for today, folks. Check in again tomorrow.

Today was a fruitful day. Today I bought a new phone. As in MOBILE phone. And I'm mighty happy about it :) And yes, I'm finally up to date with technology because.... it's a camera phone! Ok, I know I'm like waaaay behind. But how cool is that?!?

And today I saw 2 lizards mating. Complete with sound effects. I was so totally engrossed I just stared at them. I know, invasion of privacy, but it was just sooo... engaging (no pun intended).

Was at a photo shoot today. Had to iron lots of clothes. They called me the iron lady. Which I thought was funny. You know, Margaret Tha... never mind.

Love the Anya Hindmarch 'Be A Bag' thing. Awfully cool. I love Anya Hindmarch :) Will never own an Anya Hindmarch though. Not until I get my first paycheck, that is. Can't wait for my first paycheck. Can't wait for my first job :) Ok, so maybe it's not exactly my first job but you get my drift.

I think I need tea.

I'm beginning to think that I'm one of those people who're just not meant to be with someone else. Some people are just not cut out for that right? I mean, every time I get close to someone, my temper drives them away. I'm starting to wonder if that's a reflex action. Maybe I'm so commitment-phobic that when I actually start getting close to someone, my body churns out this massive ball of fire that screams, "GET AWAY!!". Story of my life.

I'm not a man-hater you know. I'm very much the opposite. And very happy about my sexual preferences thank you very much. I make a good friend, a nice gal pal to chill out with, a good buddy to some. But you know, I don't think I'd make a good girlfriend. Or wife. And that's just the way it is for now.

It hurts you know. It hurts very much.

I feel so completely rested, having slept most of the day away :) And I don't apologise for that at all. It's a once-in-a-million-years opportunity that I couldn't let slip :)

Having said that, I'm trying to balance the strange feeling of guilt that I now have and the million justifications for my behaviour. Wait, let me go turn on the lights. Typing in darkness is going to make me more blind than I already am.

And there was light...

I hear the jingle of bells and smell the chestnuts roasting on an open fire. But I don't feel the least bit winter-wonderlandish. This time of year has the inexplicable power of making one feel lonely. Am I the only who feels that way though?

Enough brain mass used for the day. Selamat Hari Raya Puasa to whom it may concern.

Had a good day :)

Went to work in the morning as usual and popped out for lunch with the Discovery Channel communications manager and 2 journalists from Malaysia. Yep, today was the day I got to interview Megan McCormick, the Globe Trekker (think Ian Wright, not Christopher Columbus). So the 2 other journos flew in from KL and 5 of us (including my fellow intern who came along to learn something... although there was hardly anything I could teach her) sat down to lunch at Tambuah Mas.

It's one of those restaurants that's been around for ages but that I never got round to going. Food was not too bad. They had nice satay fish I must say, althought the Tahu Telor could be improved on. But then I'm no food critic.

Anyway, when it was my turn to interview Megan, we got in and shook hands with the sweet lady. She had an almost childlike thing going - hair done up in 2 round ponytails, kooky smile, shy yet excitable voice... if I were to sum her up in one word, I'd say she was adorable :)

So, interview done, we walked around Orchard for a bit before I had to go off and head home to grab some dinner before heading to church for a meeting.

And now I have to go :)

Byebye!

I don't know if anyone still reads this blog :) To be honest, blogging has lost its appeal for me. I knew it would come to this sooner or later.

A large part of my love for blogging was the making fun of everyday situations, being blatantly sarcastic or the ability to dream and rant about it.

I guess my life has changed. My circumstances haven't (ie, I still have no paying job, I'm still single, I'm still short-sighted). Things that used to be important to me suddenly aren't anymore. People that used to play a major role in my life have sort of faded into the background.

I still do catch myself making fun of situations, being sarcastic in my head and getting irritated with stupid things. But I've learnt to be level-headed, to be more agreeable, to see things through God's eyes.

I'll tell you this - the other day as I was going to work, it was as though my spiritual eyes were opened. Every single person I looked at, I felt the love of God for them. It wasn't just a warm fuzzy feeling. It was a tremendous emotion. To even call it just an emotion would be to undermine the intensity of the great love that God has for us. And I saw it. In every living, breathing human being that my eyes set on. In fact, the feeling was so great that I was afraid to look at them. I didn't want to look at them. Because the greatness of that love was overpowering. And it transcended race, religion, language, age, educational level. It transcended all of those things that we find so important, that we think determines our being. I was in absolute awe.

Something in me has died. And rightly so. The old has to make way for the new. It's taken me 23 long years to come to this. As I've mentioned before, this has been the hardest year of my life yet and I'm sure there are harder ones to come. I still find humour in everyday situations. I still laugh. I still make witty remarks. Or corny ones. But I think my heart has changed.

Every day is still a struggle to live righteously. But it is no longer fused with the intense desire to be someone in other people's lives. Pleasing people is appealing to me now not because I want to look good to them or because I want to feel good about myself. Pleasing people now comes because I want to love them. Mind you, I'm not talking about blind pleasing or about pandering to people's needs/wants. I guess I'm just learning to love people more now and love them as God does.

I'm still emotionally tired but I'm not cynical or depressed. The light at the end of the tunnel was there all along. I just never saw it because my eyes were shut.

Life isn't hell. But it isn't heaven either. We live and we learn. We grow and we mature. And one day, we learn that all the things we thought were important, well, they really aren't. And all the things we take for granted, we really should treasure.

And no, this doesn't spell the end of my blog. I'll still update from time to time :)

Signing off for now.

Ok, since everyone seems to be doing it, I decided to do it as well (ok, ok, it's because I love taking quizzes :)).

	Love-a-Lot Bear You love to take care of others and people love being around you because you make them feel appreciated. You are very sweet and soft-spoken. You are also a romantic and consider yourself an excellent matchmaker, so you tend to be a bit nosy. But everyone still considers you the sweetest person they know.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Hmm... so I'm nosy eh? Matchmaker? I doubt it. I can hardly handle my own love life! I don't have the time to be Emma and fix everyone up with one another. I believe that task is rightly handled by the Higher Authorities.

So, Friendster eh? Let's see how long it lasts... I'll have to say it's pretty useful for looking up old friends and getting in touch again. Technology can be such a bane sometimes but you'll have to admit, it's made life a whole lot easier.

Cheryl my darling, when are you going to email me the photos of our spanish rendezvous? :)

Gosh, is it November already? Has this year flown by or what? Actually, it's been pretty slow for me. But fast as well you know. I mean, it's like this every year. Fast, yet slow.

So here we are again, standing on the threshold of a new year (not quite yet but you know how I like to mamadrama things). It's been a bad year for me. I'm sorry to say that but this has indeed been the lowest year of my life. Now that it's coming to an end, I can't help feeling relieved. It's a psychological thing isn't it? The 1st of January is simply a universal marker to tell us when we've entered another year. What makes it different from the 3rd of August? That could easily have been a marker as well. Then again, maybe this has to do with the sun or the moon and some elliptical thing (I shall shut up now because I don't know astronomy well and I don't want to sound like an idiot).

So yeah, I'm relieved that 2003 is coming to an end. 2004 will bring better things. I'm sure of it. I'll be older too. I'm sure of that as well. I wish I could be 23 forever. Then again, not really.

Anyhow, I'll be meeting Cheryl and Sab tonight at the Esplanade. We haven't caught up in soooo long, I won't be surprised if we can't recognise one another. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But I hope someone brings a camera :) Knowing Cheryl, she probably will :)

Alright guys, I'm scooting off. Watch for the next update.