It's getting predictable. I'm on a course of antibiotics again. Why why why is my body so weak?? Why is my spirit so weak? :(

At this moment, I'm feeling incredibly... pathetic.

Stay tuned guys. You're witnessing a downward spiral of what used to be.

So here I am at Lil's place, blogging while she takes a shower. Brownies have come out of the oven, weather is wonderfully cloudy and breezy, perfect lazy afternoon weather. It's nice that I'm sharing it with a lifelong friend :)

Ok, better quit this blog before she comes out and finds this mushy stuff! Hehe... well Lil, you're the best buddy ever! Someday, we'll meet nice guys worth sharing the rest of our lives with. In the meantime, we've got each other to chill out with :)

And here's to manicures and pedicures and special promotions that come at great prices! Saving money will be on next month's agenda. But that's next month's story... ;)

My first time blogging at work!!! Shh! :)

Well, I'm still a little lonely but I'm trying to fill my time. Going to Holland Village later for a pedicure. Hehe... I'm sure I'll feel better after my feet are taken care of and my toenails are painted in a pretty colour :) Did you know that if your feet feel good, you will too?? Seriously! I read it somewhere... Then later, I'm going to Lil's place to mess up her kitchen and hang out at her party! Is it a housewarming? Gosh, does that mean I have to bring a gift? Er... I'll think of something :)

Ok, so here's to a great day ahead!

Yum. (that's my favourite word now. Dunno why!)

I'm feeling so lonely these days. I like to be alone in the day but to be alone at night is a little depressing. At least in the day, I can go out, have coffee, go shopping, take a walk, go swimming... but at night, there's not much to do. Just stay home and blog. Which is kinda depressing. No offense to those of you who make it a habit to blog regularly. I'm just feeling.... lonely. And I can't be alone in the day because I have to work. Oh dear.. I feel Solomon's "everything is meaningless" disease coming on....

Would it be too pathetic to go out for coffee alone at night? Well not that I really want coffee anyway. It's just depressing being home. I'm tired and I'm sleepy but I don't want to go to bed 'cos it's only 9.30pm. I mean, who goes to bed that early??

And now I'm ranting and ranting with no real purpose, no point to make and not much left to say.

Adios amigos (unless you can think of something more cheesy)

So the burning question of the day is - do I have a high forehead or is it just my receding hairline???

This chronic cough is getting to me. Every time I cough, it's like my insides are going to come out. And it's pretty much a dry cough, not much phlegm. But I guess you didn't really want to know that. These Tussils aren't helping much either. Neither is the giant tin of Hello Panda chocolate-filled biscuits my dear friend, Ruth, bought me :) Ruthie is a wonderful girl :) But she doesn't read this blog so I shall quit sucking up.

I've been dreaming of holidaying in Melbourne. Or Florence. Or the Maldives. Yum. I want to go shopping, stroll along the boardwalks, sit in the piazzas (with all the birds... that's what the movies show anyway...), have coffee in an alfresco cafe and people-watch like the absolute poseur I am. I want to recline by the beach and have the salt spray smooch my sun-kissed skin. I want to try all 121 flavours of gelato in that quaint parlour in the quiet lane. I want to read a book in the charming coffeeshop down the road. I want to have a nice dinner in that trendy upscale restaurant. Oh, and I want to go to New York.

For now, I'll be happy with my dates at Starbucks, periodic spa indulgences, coffee with a good friend and shopping at Tanglin Market Place.

I just had some very cheap durian ice cream. Now you know cheap durian products have this really artificial taste right.. well this ice cream had the artificial taste (which I normally don't like) but I was thirsty (don't ask me why I went for ice cream.. ok, so I was feeling hot) and the more I bit into it, the more it grew on me! So now, I declare myself friend of the cheap durian products. Yay.

Had a really really busy day starting with work at 9am and then off to church for filming (shh.. secret project) and worship training/practise. And I only just got back. So I'm TIRED. Sigh with me... *sigh*...

My weekend's gonna be over in the blink of an eye. And I'm too tired to even complain.

Heh.

Oh, I've finally finished my course of antibiotics. Again. If I had a penny for every pill I've taken this year, I would be a rich, rich girl. No, make that rich, rich, rich, rich, rich girl.

Ok, time for my shower and then soppy Korean drama serial (yes, I watch those)...

So I've been sick. Again. I think it's the whole business of life that's making me sick. I'm just not in a very happy place at the moment (I sound like I'm in therapy... "oooh, I'm not in a good place at the moment"). I dunno.. I'm just not very healthy I guess. Life has taken its toll on me. I have to admit that I wasn't prepared for this. All my life, I've been pretty sheltered. Grew up in what I thought was a happy, normal environment, went to mission schools for 12 years, trooped to uni and had the time of my life... then I came back to reality. BOOM! Got struck down by the reality monster. It bites.

Suddenly, family problems, work problems and lurve problems snowballed into a huge avalanche that resulted in no less than 7 mcs (read: medical certificates) this year. One of them was for depression, another was for an obnoxiously high fever, yet another was for HFMD (read: hand foot and mouth disease). I'm clueless hey... what did I do man? And don't even start on the HFMD thing... and in case you're wondering, it is NOT a sexually transmitted disease... it affects babies and small children. Shuddup.

7mcs. And the year hasn't ended. This compared to none when I was in uni. NONE. In fact, I only remember being sick twice the whole 3 years I was in Perth. Either that or I was delirious most of the time... Growing up, I was sick at most once a year... my doctor asked me if I was unhappy with my job. He said, "Are you happy or not? You look very unhappy. If you're so unhappy, quit lah!". Dear Mr Doctor, you don't understand that I'm not Oxford/Yale/King's/Carnegie Mellon/Imperial/Harvard/Johns Hopkin/Wharton/Cambridge/LSE/Cornell (and dare I say, NUS) material. I don't have employers fighting to hire me. I am a humble mass communications graduate from a humble university in Perth, Western Australia. In case you think I'm ashamed of Murdoch, I am not. I love Murdoch. And I'm proud to be associated with it. But I don't have the luxury of being picky. So, Mr Doctor, the reason I'm not leaving is because I need experience. Because I told myself I would stay at least a year. Because I owe it to the people who chose to hire me in the first place.

But even Mr Doctor could tell I was unhappy.

This feels like a mid-life crisis. But if this is mid-life, does that mean I die at 48? Nah, don't get my hopes up :) Okay, joking (this is for people who think I'm suicidal and I assure you I am not. Seriously).

So ok, on to lighter things. Mr Doctor (as he's performing his diagnosis) asks "do you have a cough? Any cough? No? You sure no cough? How about runny nose? You have a runny nose?" No, Mr Doctor, I do not have a cough nor a runny nose. I just have a plain jane fever and I want to go home to rest. The next thing when I wake up - I have a runny nose. Day after, I developed a cough. I'm still coughing now.

Doctors are psychic. Mine's psycho.

I had a nice afternoon with Lil, going over to her new place (which is so near mine!) and then driving out for ice cream. We walked around Cold Storage at Guthrie House, inspecting Christmas goodies, imported Japanese/Korean sweets and left with a bar of chocolate (hers). It was nice.

Had a nice time with Derek last night as well, having coffee and playing pool till 2am. I love public holidays (of which today is one).

But I'm feeling very, very dejected. Very disappointed. Almost disgusted. And I'm so tired of it all. You know, you come to a point when you start to ask "are all guys natural jerks?" If not, they certainly have mastered the skill. To perfection. Well to be fair, I know a handful of guys who aren't jerks. Maybe about 5 of them.

Sigh. No, this isn't a male-bashing post. I'm just tired :( No, I'm weary.

I woke up feeling like my head was in the wrong place. In fact, it felt pretty much like a massive hangover. Only problem is I didn't have any alcohol last night! It was really strange because my head felt so heavy it was swinging around like I was about to faint. Maybe that's what people term giddy spells. But what freaked me out was when I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I lost control and my head started swinging down again (you know, like when you're dozing off and your head slips)! Well, I almost hit the sink! Twice! So that's when I decided I wasn't going to church. I mean, I certainly didn't want to fall into the person in front of me, especially with all the sitting and standing up and sitting and standing again..

So I spent most of the day in bed, with a heavy head. And a heavy heart. I had the weirdest dream too.. I dreamt that I was attached to this guy at work. And it was a nice feeling because I felt like a princess :) I felt important to someone. I felt safe, taken care of, loved. And I haven't felt this way in a looooong time. So that was nice. But pretty icky considering it was a guy from work. Still, it put a smile on my face :)

I'm glad I'm learning to be more independent. Spending time on my own must not be seen as a backup plan. It should be enjoyed. Savoured. Cherished.

My head hurts. I'm heading back to the bed for now...

Ok, so I take back what I said about facials being relaxing. It's been a long while since I had one and I forgot the pain it tends to bring. But it wasn't all bad.. there were soothing moments and my face certainly feels a lot cleaner and smoother now after having all that dead skin exfoliated :) Do I sound like a commercial yet?? The therapist did say that my skin texture is actually very good but it's dehydrated (it figures, since I hardly drink any water!) and she said that because I don't use sunblock regularly, I've developed fine lines around my eyes. Now, most people would baulk at the idea of fine lines around their eyes but I actually find it SEXY! So when she told me I had them, I was like, "yeah baby!" Yeah ok, I'm crazy.. but seriously, I think it's like a coming of age thing (very very literally).

So my day went pretty well. Got my phone bill today and it was less than $35!! Same as last month!! Since I started paying for my own bills, I've noticed a dramatic decrease in phone usage (read: $400 to $35). I'm happy (although Singtel probably isn't).

Ok well, so nothing deep or insightful from me today. Just me being a girl, ranting about girly stuff, which I feel I'm entitled to do once in a while. Or once every day. I have a sudden craving for Nooch. Not sure why...

Here's to facials, massages, scrubs and wraps. Cheers.

Had a blast tonight. Went for dinner at Bukit Timah Hawker Centre with the cell. Had fish mee sua, oyster omelette, carrot cake, wu xiang stuff and ice soursop. Am I eating too much? Like I care :)

Went to play pool after that and I'm proud to say I won a game against Raphael (who is a pretty good player)! It's been such a long time since I've played.. but felt tired really early on in the evening.. I was the only one in the group who still has to work tomorrow (Saturday) as well, so that was quite a bummer :(

Tomorrow's my special Starbucks date again! Have to get another book to read. Will probably go for a facial at Spa Esprit before that though... I was deciding between the facial and Starbucks date or playing frisbee with the cell. I picked the more relaxing option :) What can I say? I do enjoy my "me" time :)

I hope it doesn't rain again tomorrow. I need to go for a swim to work off all the calories I put on today. Particularly sinful and damaging was the oyster omelette.. oooh...

I'm feeling peckish again. I wonder if it has anything to do with my hormones...

I am Murphy's best friend. I had a nice long post all typed out but lost it while publishing. Blogger, I'vegot some bones to pick with you...

Parked the car this evening and sat in it listening to Eva Cassidy do a beautiful rendition of "What a Wonderful World". I'm starting to love these quiet moments alone. Recently, I started a ritual where I go on a date with God. Typically, I pop down to Starbucks at Holland V and settle in a nice comfy sofa (the same one every time) with a book by a powerful female Christian leader, a nice hot mug of cocoa, maybe a scone. And we have a wonderful time there, God and I, for about an hour or so until Fatimah comes round to punch tickets in the carpark. But I love my moments alone. Listening to romantic jazz in a stationary car, talking walks to nowhere, hanging out with God at Starbucks... I love these moments. These are the little gift packages life offers.

Of course, lifelong friends are another gift package altogether :) Spent much of the day with Lil, walking along Orchard Road - something I haven't done in a long while. Sober, that is :) We had a great time talking about school days and trying to understand why the guys we liked (ok, the guys I liked) never liked us back and it was always the weirdos who had crushes on us! Very amusing :)

I will try publishing this blog again. Although this post wasn't as emotionally charged (read: soppy Korean drama serial) as the first, I'm hoping it still makes for a good read :)

It was after work. At about 7pm. I was going up the escalator at Citylink Mall (the one that leads up to the Nooch area) when I saw a huge Christmas tree. Well it wasn't huge by Takashimaya's standards but it was big nonetheless. And my heart was warmed. And for about 10 seconds, I forgot that huge ulcer on my tongue. I forgot about the heel of my shoe that was falling off. I forgot about the harrying work day. My spirit just rose and I gasped in silent awe.

That's what Christmas does to me.

Does this still work?

:)

I know, I've been missing for a while, haven't I?

Well hello again everybody. Don't get your hopes up (or down), I'm not saying I'll be a regular blogger again. Just happened that I found myself with some time. Well, a bit more time these days, seeing as my social calendar isn't anything to shout about. If anything, my most recent night out was on saturday with cheryl and sab, to give cheryl a belated birthday celebration. man, we had a wild time :) cheryl still thinks i was drunk that night but i insist i WAS NOT. high, yes. Drunk, no. but for a while, i don't think i'll be able to walk down orchard road without feeling embarrassed.. haha.. it was fun :)

so if any of you are reading this, i commend you for your perseverance. either that or i told you i updated :)

alright, that's all for tonight. baby steps :)