TGIR

Yep. Thank God it rained. Well, poured actually. What a gloriously refreshing spin on the weather. Perfect for sleeping in as well. Was absolutely thrilled when it started raining at about 6am and I knew it'd be great by the time I got home. Slept for 6 hours straight and woke up at 3pm. What a luxury :)

And, we are officially off the WHO's list of SARS-affected countries. Nice to know. Read about it here.

Despite having some relief from the heat, I regret to inform you that it's humid again. 'Twas only a short period of respite. And now my friends, I'm quite brain-dead with nothing much to say. Will write more when my brain comes back from its break.

Was watching this show on tv today. It's a bit like Touched By An Angel, except it's a medical drama thing. It's called Doc. And it's got Christian themes. And Steven Curtis Chapman was the guest star today. Every time I think of Steven Curtis Chapman, one song sticks out. The one he wrote for his wife. And even though it's written for his wife, it kinda reminded me that God will be there for me. And that I'm not alone. So here it is:

I Will Be Here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark you lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I, I will be here

I will be here when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen, and I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying, we'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as the seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes were made for years
So I, I will be here

I will be here and you can cry on my shoulder
when the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you, and I will be here
to watch you grow in beauty
and tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
to you and to the One who gave you to me

- Steven Curtis Chapman

"Bastard!!!"

Yes. That was the very first word I heard as I was rudely jostled from my much-needed slumber. No thanks to my mother. It's not the first time it's happened. Imagine your mother's screams waking you up as you curl up under the covers trying to decide if you should go out and assess the situation or hide in the refuge that is your room. When I finally emerged from my cocoon, I found my dad sitting on the steps, head buried in hands. Mother was apparently frustrated by the construction noise going on, which she thought might wake me. How ironic. I was told not to mention the noise or she might (I quote dad), "go off her rockers again".

Add all that to the fact that I'm feeling sick. Physically sick. I suspect it had to do with coming back to a heatwave from a cold climate. I now have my very own sore throat, heatiness, lethargy and a general unwillingness to go to work when normal people sleep. I was so busy last night I hardly had time to breathe and by the time I left work, it was nearly an hour after my shift.

Sanity is a luxury, my friends. I am very, very, very close to giving up.

The good folks at NTUC Income sent me some birthday vouchers. Sweet. Except that one of them was a 20% discount off hearing aids.

I bought Instyle today (it's one of the more respectable women's magazines, in my opinion) and there was a feature on women and age. And all these celebrities were talking about how they've grown and look better and learnt so much more with age. I respect people who celebrate their age, no matter what it is. Heck, I want to be 80 and living it up still! I've never ever understood the reason for women being hesitant in revealing their age. I mean, it's even come to a point where it might be rude or inappropriate to ask a lady her age. What is the big deal? Really. So you turn one year older. It happens. To everyone. Really.

Ok, so I'll admit I get a little edgy too when I realise I'm fast approaching the quarter-of-a-century milestone. Without having accomplished much in my life. I mean, where will I be when I'm 25? What will I have done? How many lives will I have touched? What is the degree of my influence in the time and space assigned to me for now? But you know, I've never been much of a planner. I don't really plan past next week. Which is why my holiday to Perth was kinda spur-of-the-moment :) I don't have a 5-year plan. I don't have a plan for the rat race. I was talking to a friend though, who was worrying about not getting a job with better pay so she can get married and all. And she rattled off the expenses that would come with living in an HDB flat and all (she earns more than I do, btw). And there I was, sitting and not really listening because all I could think of was that I just blew about a thousand dollars on my trip to Perth. And for a millisecond, I felt guilty. But only for a millisecond. I don't need to justify my trip. I really don't. It was my trip, paid for with my hard-earned money and mytime. It was a decision I made and boy, did it feel good. And it was important to me. It's important to break the monotony of life sometimes and just do something different. I had people saying, "wah so rich ah, can go on holiday", "times are so bad and you still want to spend so much money to go to Perth", "yah, I'd like to do something different too if I had the money". And yes, I felt bad. I felt like I was being judged for the way I spent my money, as though my money grew on trees. But it was important for me to go for a variety of reasons which, as explained earlier, I see no need to explain. And you know what? I think it's especially important for people to break out of their cycle in these times and do something. Anything. Take a day off and spend it in the park (not advisable for Singaporeans who are experiencing the heatwave) or go see an art film. Go to the spa. Get a pedicure. Go to Batam on a fishing trip. Take dance classes. Fly to Bali. Have dinner under the stars. It's precisely because everything's so depressing now that we need to keep our chins up and get out there. The same friend I was talking to said she felt so depressed at times but comforted herself by saying, "if Mel can do it, so can I". I don't know if that was a compliment but I'll try to look at it as one. Isn't it good to know you're not the only depressed person around? ;)

Sunday night I drove back, parked the car and walked up the driveway. And all of a sudden I noticed the sky sprinkled with stars. And I just stopped where I was and stared into the night (early morning actually) in the middle of the driveway, in the freezing cold. And I was awed. This is the Australian sky as I remembered. And right then, at that moment, everything in the world was perfect. Take those moments. And remember them. It's amazing how the simplest things in life will get you through the toughest days.

Moving Along

Sometimes, life isn't the fairytale you've always dreamed of. Life is made of its moments. We said that over and over. Along the way, it slowly became Life is made of memories. And memories are gifts. They are that little part of a person that will be etched in your heart forever. And maybe you lost something. Maybe you lost your smile. Maybe you lost your twinkle. Maybe you lost your heart-dance. You know, the one where your heart leaps into pirouettes. But it's ok. Because you're holding on to something that's just as valuable. You're holding on to the memories of good times spent, of happy days, of blushing smiles and deep intense gazes. And you learn that it's far more important for someone else to be happy than for you to revel in your own wants.

And so I leave, assured that you are happier this way and that this is what you would like it to be. And you know what? It's gonna be ok :)

Singapore

That's right. I'm back. And yes, all those things you've been hearing about Singapore being excruciatingly hot? It's true. Believe it. Every word of it.

I had a rather pleasant flight back, considering I didn't really want to go back. Got talking to an elderly couple sitting next to me. They live up north in Denim (how cool is that?) and were on their way to a long holiday in London and other parts of Europe (lucky them...). Also (this is really interesting), on my way to Perth, I got talking to a flight steward who does the Perth-Singapore route pretty often. He said we might very well meet again on my flight back to Singapore. And guess what? We did! I thought it was pretty cool :) We're gonna meet up for coffee tomorrow. Plane rides can be so interesting :) It's really fun talking to people but lest you think I'm the enthusiastic sort who can't stop talking to the passengers on my left and right, you're wrong. I'm usually the silent but smiley passenger who won't talk to you unless you need help (which is how I got started with the elderly couple. They were trying to figure out the tv remote). Otherwise, I don't really like to be disturbed when I'm flying alone. The elderly man actually thought I was a flight stewardess, which I thought was highly amusing. He thought I was flying back to work. Maybe it was because I was so adept at the remote control(!). Or maybe 'cos I was talking to the flight steward. In any case, I was flattered. Haha..

I had a wonderful time in Perth. Thank you all for making it so great. I know it was really short notice and most of you were busy but thanks for taking time out to chill with me anyway :) I really do appreciate it. Take care, all of you. I miss you heaps.

And so a week has passed. And time is running by me faster than I can say fair dinkum! And I'm so lost.

Had a little health scare Saturday night/Sunday morning. I woke up in the wee hours with a running nose and headache. Couldn't stop sneezing after that and finally woke up at 9am feeling so terrible I wanted to give church a miss. Oh, did I mention, I'd been having dry coughs and muscle aches? So I was wondering if it would be inconsiderate and irresponsible of me to go to church and mingle with people. But then I realised it was probably nothing. And I wasn't running a fever (according to Derek anyway) so I probably didn't have anything infectious. Am alright now. I think.

And now, it's the final stretch. I don't know what to feel. I mean, I wanted this right? I wanted to come here. This is where my heart is, where all my dreams are. I've missed Perth so much.

But.

It's not the same anymore. The faces have changed. The buildings have changed. The lives have changed. And you realise that people move on. That just because you're not around anymore doesn't mean that time will pause and run again only when you're back. I can't say that it doesn't hurt. But to expect anything else would be selfish and unrealistic.

And so the beating of the drums continues. And the ripples on the water resume their journey to the sea. And the wheels of being spin as they did.

And yes, time will keep moving.

Perth

So here I am, in the place I call home. I really do love Australia :) Thank you Crystal, for letting me use your comp. You're a darling :) It's been alright so far. I've caught up with the gang that is Derek, Kel, Liz, Jas. Had lunch with May, dinner with Kel Goh and Crystal and generally had a really good time. Looking forward to catching up with other people in the week/s to come. By the time that happens though, it'll be time for me to leave.

Am enjoying myself so far. Hope you guys in Sinapore aren't doing too bad too. Will end this entry here. I need the bathroom :)

Love Song For A Saviour

I'm having songwriter's block. There's like all this music in me that's just not coming out. And the worst thing is, I actually feel the music in me. I don't know if that sounds ridiculous to you but it feels like I'm musically constipated. Ok no, that didn't sound very nice. You know, sometimes the more you try and write something, the more it gets stuck and refuses to come out. So sometimes I just play my guitar and pretend that I'm not going to write a song. But every other part of me knows I am secretly hoping a song will come out of it. Doesn't work that way, ladies and gentlemen. You know how they say the greatest love songs are usually borne out of great sadness, trials and pain? Partly true. Most of my songs were borne out of great testing and tribulation, in times when I had to cry out, literally, to the Lord. Most of them were written in my "desert experience" - in my loneliness and helplessness.

But there are also love songs borne out of intense gratitude and overwhelming love and awe. And when you look back on those songs, you remember the moments where your heart was lifted to new heights because you discovered a new aspect of the Father, where you had an amazing personal one-to-one with Him. And those are the songs that make you feel so tiny in the grand scheme of things. So tiny, yet so precious.

And you remember that even though your songs aren't good enough to make it to the top ten list, they made it to His top ten list :) And that makes it all worthwhile. Because your audience of One is pleased.

The Wedding Song (MINE!!)

So I've just had a conversation with Paul (and he knows I'm going to blog this) about the song we'd want to use for both our wedding marches. We both agreed that Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring would make a fantastic entrance song. BUT, I said it then and I'll say it again, Mr Paul Seah, I thought of it first :P So if you want to use it for your wedding, it'll be a copy of mine. Hah. So there.

So what makes me think I'm going to get married anytime soon? Nothing. Quite frankly, I've been thinking that I might not ever get married at all. Would I be missing out? I'm sure I would. Married life can be a beautiful blessing and a tremendous support. It sure was designed to be that. I haven't seen that many examples of good marriages though. But it hasn't made me cynical about marriage. On the contrary, it's made me want to put in time and loads of effort into a relationship. I think I've changed from my puppy love days in college. I've definitely become more realistic and more willing to put in the effort. Which is a good thing right? Right?

You know, even though these aren't the best of times, there are still lots of people getting married. I know this because I hand them their room keys and congratulate them with a huge grin.

I guess love wins out in the end huh.

Hiccups

With my usual stoned don't-you-even-dare-utter-a-word-in-my-presence look, I walked through the deserted shopping mall towards the train station. For some reason, the hiccups hit me. So, where before, I boasted a cool look of steel, I was now walking in some kind of a fit with sporadic spasms and a funny noise most people hear as, "hic!". So all the way to the train station, down the escalators, on the cold stone bench in the station, I attempted to minimise the convulsions and alien noise that was annoyingly difficult to quell. All this time, I dreaded the prospect of being in close human contact in the train (that would predictably be packed each morning at 7.45). Somehow, the thought of sudden jerks and hic!s in a train full of people didn't appeal to me. Then the amazing thing happened. It stopped. The minute I got in to join my fellow sardines, the hiccups stopped. And all I remember from the journey was saying, "Thank God" about a gazillion times. Oh, and there was this rather good-looking dude as well. But that was about it.

We're all going on a summer holiday

Alright, alright CHERYL, I did it. My flight has been booked and you will now be able to look forward to some CCs upon my return ;) I'm quite eager to get out of the country and be able to breathe fresh air for once. Well, it looks like Cheryl, Lil and Mel will be off on their own little holidays with loads to share over margaritas when we get back :) You know what? I feel kinda empowered that I've earned enough money to go on a little trip despite my measly income. Never despise a measly income ;) And you know, it feels good. I feel like I deserve this trip after all I've worked for.

Speaking of work, being on the midnight shift reminded me of the times I used to stay up through the night just to complete an assignment due the next day. At about 5am, the birds would start chirping. I think it's a bird thing. They start at about 5am in Singapore as well. And another thing I've realised - I am not a very nice person to be around from 7 to 8 in the morning when I've been awake the entire night. I believe I am close to mastering the don't-you-even-think-about-talking-to-me look. But I'm alright after a 6-hour nap. I just need to be thawed.

So it'll be another loooong night tonight. I'm hoping there will be no check-ins. And no funny pink cards in passports. Gosh, I really can't wait to get out of here. Hang in there Mel.

You know what? Life is good when you have something to look forward to. Anything. Some people look forward to a nice home-cooked meal at the end of a tiring day. Some people simply look forward to coming home to someone special. Others, like Cheryl, look forward to her trip to Fukuoka to renuite with the love of her life ;) Lilian, too, is looking forward to her trip to Tokyo this THURSDAY, where she might meet the love of my life - a certain football player (who would actually more likely be found in Parma than in Japan).

Me? I'm still looking for something to look forward to. But that's ok. As long as you're looking. And the nicest thing is to have something to look forward to everyday. You know, not just an overseas trip or an all-out shopping trip. But like, a nice little surprise at the end of the day. Going out with colleagues for dinner, hanging out with the gal pals... just being happy.

Ok, I think Kel just called. Gtg!

Everything's a blur

Talked to Kel till the wee hours of the morning and hoped that my body clock would be sufficiently screwed up. Fat chance. I woke up at about the same time I do most mornings and forced myself to stay in bed till noon. Then I will sleep again in a few hours, to prep myself for my first ever midnight shift. Yay me. I guess it's kind of an initiation process. At least I'll be able to say that in my lifetime, I've experienced the joys and pains of working when everyone else is sleeping.

I'm kinda stoned now. My body's awake but my mind's not quite. I remember talking about lots funny stuff last night and heaps of bloggable stuff. But I don't remember what they were. ARgh. I think I shall just go feed my body now.

Ciao.

My Boyfriend's the Coolest

Lil and I were in Mango the other day when she pointed out a top that said, "My Boyfriend Is The Coolest". I didn't believe it till I saw it. And that led me to think, who would wear that top?? Then I had a mental picture of Chris from Designer Guys wearing it. I guess it'd be funny if a guy bought that top for his girlfriend (and I know some people who'd actually do that *wink*). If there was a t-shirt that said "My Girlfriend Is The Coolest", I think I'd buy that for my boyfriend, just to see the look on his face.

Cost of t-shirt: $30.
Incredulous look on boyfriend's face: Priceless.

Hmm... holiday plans are a bit shaky now because I've just seen a new position I'm interested in, in the same organisation. It all depends on whether the good people of the government organisation will give me an interview now. Gosh, I never thought I might become a civil servant! I'm not ditching you guys in Perth. Yet. I'll go when I've sorted this thing out. Oops. I revealed my holiday destination. But then you already knew that anyway ;)

The Bag Lady

So today, I went allll the way to Tanjong Pagar in the hopes of getting my mules. And I was not disappointed :) I am now the proud owner of a pair of mules and a new pair of sandals *BIG GRIN*. Along the way, I had to get some girl products.. shh... and so I dropped in at the pharmacy. When I was at the cashier, I realised that there was absolutely no way for me to discreetly carry my girl products.. shh... . So, I did what any girl in my situation (with a tiny bag that wouldn't fit a happy meal) would do:

Me: Um, could I have another plastic bag? Pleeease?? *insert sweet smile*

Lady: *knowing smile* (hehe, I know what you want it for). Sure!

I expected her to just shove the plastic bag in my face but instead, she very nicely bundled my purchase in the first plastic bag, then put it in the second plastic bag, with the blue of the first bag facing one side and the blue of the second bag facing the other side so that no one would be able to see through the blue-ness of the bags (you probably know which pharmacy I went to by now). I was so impressed. What great customer service :)

Strange thing I noticed today though. From my place to Tanjong pagar and back, I saw at least 3 funerals going on. Ok, I know people die everyday. But 3 funerals in a day was a bit too much for me. Um, one of them is actually at my block. And I know this is morbid but I was thinking, hey, you could do a whole cultural analysis on funerals. Heck, you can do a cultural analysis on anything.

Last thing - my vacation plans are starting to take shape. I've called the travel agent and got quotes, asked my manager about leave and my dad has asked about being quarantined when I get over there. The travel agent says she hasn't heard of any flights being quarantined but if someone on my flight looks sick, too bad. But if all goes according to plan, I should be flying pretty soon. Anyone wants me to bring anything over or bring anything back? Oh come on, don't pretend you don't know my destination. You all know where I'm gonna go ;) Give me your requests soon yah.

Shoe Blues

Today was an eventful day. And almost every step of the way, I met someone. On the way to meet Lil for lunch (THEY TOOK CRAYFISH PASTA OFF THE MENU!!!), I bumped into Jessica and Sebastian on the bus and found out they actually live really near me :) It was really nice to see them again after soooo long. Had lunch with Lil, walked around town and shopped a bit, met Clarence in Taka, had tea at Royal Copenhagen then went to Tiong Bahru to meet my cell. Had dinner at the Tiong Bahru market then went to watch X-Men 2 (I liked it better than the first). After the show, met Rajesh outside the cinema.Talked a bit, took the last train home, met secondary school friends at the MRT station, shared a cab back with Vincent. The cabbie stopped me at the wrong place and I ended up walking around the entire estate (cos one of the entrances is permanently locked) and took about 15 minutes to get to my block.

So that was my day, summarised in a short paragraph. My feet are aching really badly now.

Today was also a bad shoe shopping day for me. First, I was at the new Zara boutique at Liat Towers, where I fell in love with a pair of wedges. Now I don't normally like wedges but this pair, this pair, was gorgeous (btw, guys/men/boys, I'm talking about shoes, not potatoes). Being the ill-fated shoe-shopper that I am, they didn't have it in my size. So off to another Zara boutique (at Taka). Again, being the IFSS that I am, they didn't even have the wedges. So ok, never mind, I saved 70 bucks. Later on in the evening, I had my eyes on a pair of mules from Charles and Keith (guys, you know what I'm going to say. I'm talking about shoes, not donk.. never mind..). Once more, being the IFSS, they didn't have it in my size. It's ok. I'll bounce back. I'll be alright.

*sob* I'm ok. Really.

Sheep (and other food)

Have you ever noticed that sheep look really funny? I mean, both ha-ha-funny and weird-funny. Especially in those funny sheep cartoons they show on cable. And in real life, they look kinda scary. And somewhat blur. They've got this perpetual "duuuh..." look on their faces. Which is also probably why their bleating sounds like a bored, frustrated whine. But enough of sheep-bashing. Some positivity please.

I love lamb. Yummy juicy lamb. I love tender lamb shanks, where the meat just falls off the bone. Bertini's in Freo has excellent lamb shanks. You guys know where Bertini's is right? It's just next to Cicerello's. They've changed chefs now so I'm not sure if the lamb is still praiseworthy. Rack of lamb is also good. But hard to eat. You risk bone, meat and gravy flying all over the place. Lamb chops are ok. Give me a tender beef steak anytime though. I'm really hungry now. I'll have to wait till tomorrow when I meet Lil for lunch at Olio and I'll go have the crayfish pasta I've been craving since JANUARY. I deserve a good crayfish pasta for that long wait.

Oh yeah, Kel and I were just talking about mussels and oysters the night before. Did you know that Mos Burger now has crumbed mussels??? They're really yummy too. I think it's garlic and lemon. Very nice. But expensive - $3 for 5 mussels in a little Mos Burger paper bag. $7.95 for 15 mussels. But we agreed that if we really had a craving, we'd buy them. Cravings are dangerous. They make a person do very bad things.

Gonna lie back and relax now. I've got 2 days off and I intend to make full use of them to RELAX and rest my feet. Somewhat.