So I went to the StyleWedding.sg launch today. Invited Lil but she didn't want to baulk at the sight of happy couples, so she turned me down. So I asked another colleague along instead. Lil, tonight was for advertisers and clients, it's only open to the public tomorrow and Sunday.. no happy couples today :) only media, hoteliers, restauranteurs (is that how you spell it?) etc. Had quite a nice time, except I had to lug a HEAVY bag of Style Magazine (very thick) and other stuff around Orchard Road. Not good when your intention was to go shopping. Ended up taking a cab home because I simply could not accept the idea of hopping onto a bus with a HEAVY bag of stuff.

Today, we also had lunch with Teresa Hsu from Heart-to-Heart Service. I mentioned her in a previous post. She's 108 years old and her parents and siblings are long gone. But she said something that really cracked me up - "Not many people forget to die" (in reference to herself of course). I thought that was terribly witty! She's an amazing woman, she is.

Was reading someone else's blog and I realised that I miss going for lectures in Murdoch. I loved pretending to be studious and walking to campus with a bag full of books (that you don't need for the lecture), then finding a seat in the LT (akin to choosing which pew you wanna sit in), waving at friends who just walked in to come join you in your pew, taking out your lecture pad, doodling, yawning, staring blankly, daydreaming, checking out that cute blonde in the second pew, getting distracted by that cuter Vietnamese hottie in the sixth pew, watching the movie (I was a Mass Comm student. We have funky lectures), counting down the time till you get out.... I MISS SCHOOL!! I MISS MURDOCH!!! I was always late for tutorials though. Of course I had no excuse, seeing that I stayed on campus! But what an experience. What an experience. I totally loved every bit of it. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

You know what else I miss? Cooking. I miss the times I decided to pamper myself and wake up early to prepare a sumptuous breakfast of sausages, scrambled eggs, toast, fried tomatoes and fruit juice. And the times I baked pumpkin, made mulberry jam, grilled a gorgeous beef steak, made mushroom soup from scratch, baked apple crumble, cooked pasta, stir-fried black pepper beef, oh and of course, my signature dish - Chicken with Basil Leaves and Mushrooms. I miss inviting people over to my place for dinner, or going over to someone else's place with my dinner contribution. I miss sitting down after dinner and just chilling. We fret about tutorials the day after. Dinner is strictly dinner. And coffee of course.

I miss going to the beach with the girls, cruising down South Street to Freo and Cottlesloe Beach, car windows down, wind through our hair, yelling out french songs at the top of our lungs, shouting to other drivers and whoever cared to listen that we were French-born Chinese... we were crazy girls, we were.

I miss (in no particular order):
Oriel's
Indiana's
Matsuri
Garden City
Applecross
South Perth
Boat Shed Cafe
Conca's
Carousel
Freo
Bertini's
Kaili's
Cicerello's
CHICKEN TREAT
Nando's
Kardinya
Murdoch Uni
Murdoch Uni's Asian Caravan's Polo Chicken, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Squid
SV
Perth City
3Ds
Masters Mocha
PERTH ROYAL SHOW
Vultures
Fast Eddy's
FCC
Swan Valley
My boss and colleagues at the Freo City Council
East Perth
Miss Maud's
King's Street Cafe
Cheap dairy products
Baskin Robbins
Simmo's
JESTERS PIES
Watching videos (in Perth, we rented videos, not vcds or dvds)

Ok, that's enough for the day. I'm going too far down memory lane. I might cry soon.

For a number of days, I kept wondering why every time I left a can of unfinished drink in the fridge, it would disappear the next day. I'm not the sort to down a whole can of soft drink in one sitting so I usually put it back in the fridge for consumption later. But it's terribly frustrating when every time you open the fridge to retrieve what you thought was there, it's gone!

Just a minute ago, my mother came trooping downstairs. She walked over to the fridge (which is next to the computer where I am at), opened it and took out my can of UNFINISHED SPRITE!!! She turned away, took a few steps up the staircase, realised I was staring at her (without even turning her head to look at me), then silently returned to the fridge, replaced the Sprite and took out a NEW can of Coke instead. At least the mystery's solved. People with Alzheimer's tend to do strange things. Don't be surprised.

Going to the media launch of StyleWeddings.sg tomorrow. Then out for a night of drinks with my colleagues on Saturday. Then off to Hai Tien Lo at Pan Pac for Grandma's birthday on Sunday. What a fun weekend it's gonna be. So fun I'm typing without any exclamation marks. I'm jaded. So very, very jaded. It also happens to be the 'in' word of the season. Three of my friends have used it in 3 separate occasions. We are a jaded generation. Tired, worn-out, disappointed, lost. So far from the chosen generation. From what we were called to be. But yes, we are jaded.

I am jaded.

Sometimes, you realise you don't really have anything to say anymore. So I'll just let the picture do the talking.

I think my state of being is becoming more apparent to the people around me. Or people who know me well. I'm not in a very good place at the moment. And I can't for the life of me explain why. Perhaps my brain has been eroded by alcohol or engulfed in thick cigarette smoke. I like to think that we all come to this stage at some point in our lives. And it will not be just once either. However, I don't think it's feasible to remain in this state for an extended period of time. I'm just too tired to do anything about it now. I hate to say this but it's hard to be a good girl. It's hard to try so hard all the time. It's hard to be obedient to the call. So very hard. And I feel like I've been trying for the longest time but at the end of the day, I'm at square one. I'm unhappy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied. And though they provide little relief, alcohol and loud music do blank out my problems for a few hours (because I become Pauline Hanson, remember?). But after that, it's back to my spiritual dearth.

For so long, I've wanted a running mate - someone to go the distance with me. A buddy, mentor, whatever you want to call it. After a while, I gave up the search, disappointed. There was just no one I could open myself up to completely, with absolute trust and confidence. I'm not looking for one anymore. I'm sapped of energy. Besides, I've been running the race alone all my life anyway. I'm an escapist. Mostly, I keep myself occupied with many, many things just so I won't have the time to think about stuff that's actually pretty important.

I think I'm also pretty disappointed at how my last relationship turned out. No, make that VERY disappointed. I'm extremely disappointed with him, with the way I was treated, with the excuses, the lies, the bullshit. And I'm totally disappointed at how he went on to become the third party and broke up another couple. I'm disappointed at how he found himself in another relationship barely 3 months after he told me he didn't know how to handle relationships anymore. I may sound like I'm bitching. I probably am. But I don't know how else I can vent the terrible anger that's building up within me. I don't think I've ever been this angry at a single person before.

So after going through years of disappointment and hurts, I've come to a place where I just want to be happy. I simply want to be allowed to do whatever it is that I want, if it will make me happy. But it's a very dangerous place to be. It's akin to walking into the battlefield completely unarmed. But I'm too tired to put on the armour anymore. And there's no one to help me put it on. And you know how heavy armour can be. And what a drag it is to walk around with a suit of steel all the time.

My strength is gone from me. And that's when the midnight madness takes over.

Heard in the office:

"I think her thing is vibrating."

"Can you burn 20 CDs for me for lunch on Thursday?"

"I said 'Organza', not 'Orgasm'!!"

"I'm an eggplant today."

I work in a madhouse. All my colleagues are nuts.

Nice.

So I went to the dentist today and got really surprising news. You see, I have this wisdom tooth in my bottom left jaw that's growing sideways, pointing towards my tongue. The dentist said it's very rare as most people's wisdom teeth point away from their tongue.

Anyway, if I were to remove it, the procedure would be complicated and would require a specialist's hand to perform it. But the risks were what almost made me flip. Apart from having to saw into my jaw bone (which I am VERY hesitant about), he said that in performing the surgery, one of the nerves in my tongue might be affected. Which means that I could lose my sense of taste in one side of my tongue and my speech would also be affected.

Now, those are very serious things to consider. The dentist said that I should leave the tooth alone if possible. However, the gum around it is swollen and the wisdom tooth in my upper jaw is biting down on it. The professional recommendation was to remove the upper wisdom tooth (which is growing perfectly straight) to prevent it from biting onto my lower gum.

So I'm thinking about it. Wondering if that's really necessary 'cos he already cleaned up my lower gum and disinfected it. But it will get swollen again because of my weird wisdom tooth that's causing a gap between itself and the gum. So I'm still thinking about it.

Sigh. Well, at least the dentist said I have cute Japanese teeth.

Met up with Randy for dinner and a movie tonight. The only movie that he hadn't watched and that I didn't mind watching was I Do, I Do. Randy gave it a 4.5. I was a little kinder I think. I rated it a 5. Out of 100. Well actually it wasn't that bad, just that Jack Neo tends to stick his opinions in your face in all of his movies. He always has something to say about government policies and the way of life in Singapore. Which is great. I think we need that in Singapore. Unfortunately, it's hard to do that without getting into some kind of trouble. But then he's Jack Neo and he could get away with murder. But probably not in Singapore. Before I get myself into further trouble with the authorities or Big Brother, I shall stop talking about Singapore and our government. Both of which I love. For the record.

Tomorrow, I will be making my way to the dentist. I've been wanting to go for the longest time but my regular dentist works office hours. In fact, he puts in even fewer hours than I do, so I can't go to him. Then I found this other dentist at TAMPINES! Oh. Oh. Oh. But he opens till 9.30pm so I guess I'll have to sacrifice some time to get my pearlies checked out before I start having to wear dentures.

You know what I realised? Typing a resignation letter can be terribly liberating. I think I'll do it just for kicks. And hope that someone chances upon it. And sets me free. FREEDOM! Take me away, Braveheart, take me away...

I had the worst backache today. So bad I was almost in tears. So I made a quick phone call and got myself an appointment at Spa Esprit Downtown (Paragon) for a one-hour hot stones massage. And now, I'm pleased to report that all aches and pain have disappeared. Thank God for massages. And hot stones.

I hope everyone's been having a fantastic Lunar New Year. This has probably been the most uneventful one for me. Same word I would use to describe Valentine's Day. Uneventful. But then again, it's usually uneventful for us singles isn't it? ;) Uneventful. I like the word. It's so non-committal. Well, I'm still pleased to report that seeing girls walk by with huge bouquets of roses did nothing to me. Two years ago, I'd be in tears every time I saw bouquet-bearers sauntering down the streets. But this year, ah.. a very different story :) Maybe because the whole flower thing is not that big a deal anymore. In secondary school, if you got flowers, you were over the moon. In JC, if you got flowers, it sent a little tingle through your body. In uni, if you got flowers, the guy's a SNAG. After that, I believe it all goes downhill. Two years ago, my favourite flowers were white roses. Today, I don't have a favourite flower. Mainly cos I don't know what to do with them and they collect dust after you dry them. Give me a diamond anytime ;)

And even though I've lost that loving feeling for flowers, I still believe in love. Very much so.

2 Hoegaardens, 2 Tequila shots and 1 Margarita later, I developed a strange Aussie accent that led me to introduce myself as Pauline Hanson (don't ask me why I did that... people do stupid things when inebriated) and Cheryl as my One Nation party member. That part of the evening, I'd much rather forget. But we had a great time chilling at Wala's with the groovy band. Cheryl and Sab, I hope I've converted you to groupies! Favourite part of the evening - screaming out the songs along with the band. Least favourite part of the evening - the many trips to the bathroom. Which has a shiny floor. I kept telling Cheryl the floor was wet and dirty but she assured me it was just shiny. One of us must have been drunk. I hope it was her (although I highly doubt it!). I shall now attempt to list my party mates' favourite and least favourite parts of the evening:

Cheryl
Favourite part - having that sugary sweet sms conversation with beau, David (Hi Dave!!).
Least favourite part - having to endure my constant questions of "Am I ugly???"

Sabrina
Favourite part - getting picked up by that younger guy (who also took off his shirt!!!)
Least favourite part - getting picked up by that younger guy (who also took off his shirt!!!)

But it was fun yes, ladies? I had a great time. Except when I got home and laid my head down on the pillow, I felt all the brain juice flow down to one side of my head. I know I sound like a bimbo now but I must assure you that I am not. I am Pauline Hanson of the One Nation Party.

Thankyouverymuch.

Hmm... I think I've OD-ed on Chinese New Year goodies. My throat is starting to feel numb. Ugh.. I feel the onset of a sore throat. Bummer. And now I'm trying to make amends by drinking flavoured water. That's probably not the smartest thing to do but I couldn't care less. I think the biggest culprit is the wicked, wicked jar of pineapple tarts. Grrrr... they are soooo good... And of course there's the sinfully sticky nian gao, refreshingly nutrient-less mandarin oranges and salty-high-blood-pressure-cholesterol-pumping prawn crackers. Someone restrain me!! At the rate I'm going, I'm gonna need Philip Wain soon. Or Jenny Craig (for you ang mohs out there). Or Oprah's fitness guru.

But I'm having a blast. I think this year, we've spent the longest time at the paternal grandparents' place as compared to previous years. And that's just cool because I love my paternal grandparents. I mean, I was practically raised by them, having lived with them for the first few years of my life cos my parents were busy working and taking care of my brother. Grandpa's nearly 90 years old!! And Grandma's 80+ (us women don't reveal our ages just like that!) I don't know how many more Chinese New Years I'm gonna have with them so it's extra special when I go visit. Even though I don't say much when I'm there. It's just nice being in their presence. And I'm constantly amazed at how alert and healthy they are! So even though you guys don't read my blog, I LOVE YOU GRANDPA AND GRANDMA!! *HUGS*

Other than that, I've had a pretty uneventful Chinese New Year. I'm glad for the break. It's been nice, even though I've been keeping pretty late nights. Late nights aside, here are some recent pix from Derek's birthday, for those of you who have missed my delightful countenance (!!!) :) I know I also promised wedding pix from Ernie's and Wen's wedding but I haven't downloaded them yet.. haha.. oops :)


Groupshot!


Me and the birthday boy!

Enough for the day. Keep eating, people!! :)

Happy New Year and GXFC everyone. Have a great year ahead!

She is not happy. She is not happy at all. She is really really not happy. At all. How in the world could that have happened? Oh. My. Goodness.

I am so tempted to be nasty and revengeful and hurtful but dear dear Lil has just reminded me that tomorrow is the start of Lent. I shall endeavour to be nice about it. I will be gracious and accepting and calm.

I have paid dearly for my misplaced trust and bad judgement. Sometimes, people really surprise you when they behave in, well, totally surprising ways.

Thanks for your listening ear, Lil. I do apologise for that barrage of expletives. However, I would give him a double dose of it if he so much as dares to send me another pathetic sms.

Grrrowl.

What a weekend it's been! I finally FINALLY got my hair curled. Permed. I've been procrastinating for, let's see... 3 years?! So now that this chick's got a reasonable amount of disposable income, she thought she'd do herself a favour and go curly! Pix when I get them. Or we could just meet up ;)

So I was at Wala Wala on Saturday night and I have to say, the drinks are unbelievably EXPENSIVE! But the band is amazing!! You really have to go hear them. They are so good. Really. The drummer's cute too ;)

The boss and I went down today to "Heart to Heart Service" at the Home for the Aged Sick. The hotel's gonna be running this toss-a-coin thing and we decided that all proceeds would go to this Home. This is the part of my job that I LOVE best! It's the part that makes doing PR so worthwhile, cos you get to go meet up with people who are doing their best to help the underprivileged and you have the chance to help out and do your bit for charity. We met Sister Teresa Hsu who's this awesome 108 year-old lady who founded the Home and the Heart-to-Heart Service, which gives out food to the needy and the aged. She is one dynamite of a lady! I only hope I get to be even half of what she is cos she is just so awesomely selfless, sacrificial, thoughtful, caring, kind, smart, resourceful and with a heart as big as the world! She's been called Singapore's Mother Teresa. It doesn't matter what she's called. In my book, she's a groovy mama! Inspirational.

And so the Chinese New Year festivities draw closer. I await the dreaded day with much trepidation. More "Wah, so old already ah?!?" doesn't really put me on top of the world. It's harmless I guess, but so very annoying. Eeeeeee...

And so it goes.

Dinner tonight was with our department and GM at Clarke Quay's Peony Jade. Not to be confused with Golden Peony (Conrad Centennial) or Jade (The Fullerton). Food was slightly above average. Just slightly. I've developed a high standard for Chinese food, especially since I work at the hotel with the award-winning Wah Lok (hehe... swelling with pride...). Had lunch at Wah Lok today with the editors of The Peak and Eat! Magazine. Was positively stuffed. So stuffed that I didn't have much to eat at Peony Jade. But I did get to ride in the GM's car (nice)! Haha.. cheap thrills... love 'em :)

For what could've been the first time, my colleagues got to see a side of me rarely seen in the office, most often seen when I'm with my girlfriends. The fast-talking, hysterically-laughing madcap crazy girl. I'm totally the opposite in the office - quiet, demure, gentle, frowning at the computer screen or running around while trying not to break my heels.

It's been a tiring week. My muscles feel incredibly tight and tense. And I'm missing Perth :(

I MISS PERTH! I MISS PERTH! I MISS PERTH! I MISS PERTH! I MISS PERTH!

Right, I think you get the idea... :)

One Last

I never could imagine life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Every time I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go

- Charles Smith, Chris Ballard, Andy Murray, LeDon Bishop

Kudos to these guys, for expressing so perfectly what I've felt.

:_(

The boss says I speak Mandarin with an accent. In fact, people always laugh when I speak Mandarin. I should be ashamed of myself right? Nah, I don't really care :) But what's really strange is that when I attempt to speak Hakka, people think I'm speaking Japanese. But that's probably because I'm not Hakka. But I'm not Japanese either.

Am I not making sense? Yeah, I don't think I'm making sense. I've had a long day. Came back at 11.30pm after an after-work meeting with the media core group. I'm tired. But I'm glad for busy days. I love being busy for an entire week, then resting on the weekends. Much better than being busy on alternate days cos that makes the week drag on. I like momentum. I like my days packed. Jayne says I'm a workaholic. I beg to differ.

Has anyone noticed how the major cafes are all serving mandarin orange cheesecakes? I know for a fact that both Coffee Bean and Spinelli's have it. I haven't checked out Starbucks yet. They're yummy but the idea is so overdone. They should do something else. Rooster pies or something. No, I'm kidding. Argh. I need to sleep. I'm spouting nonsense. Or as Mandarin-speaking people like to say, telling "cold jokes". What the heck is a cold joke anyway??? Why do my Mandarin-speaking friends all use that term??? It gives me goosebumps when people translate languages literally. I do that sometimes, but it's just to make people laugh. I'm not that bad in Chinese really. I just pretend I am so that people have something to laugh about. I actually understand what you guys are saying and my literal English translations are really just "cold jokes". Betcha I had you all fooled :) I got an A for Chinese in PSLE ok... don't belittle me, I'm quite Ching Chong too... especially after my last romantic liason. Hahaha... Ok, I really should go to sleep so I won't type rubbish. My thoughts are all over the place now. I'm drifting off to dreamland as I type. Gotta excuse me... I'm...

*snore*