Please, Mr Bush. Don't go to war. That said, I have no better alternative to offer and should probably keep my mouth shut. If you keep delaying war, Iraq will never get the message, they will have more time to build up power and that would result in a greater threat to worldwide security. Nevertheless, please do not go to war. I'm thinking of the mothers, wives, sisters, cousins, friends whose fathers, husbands, brothers, cousins and friends may not return to them.

I know you have a responsibility to your people and to the world to keep them safe but sending them off to war is hardly keeping them safe. If you think Saddam Hussein is evil, is it worth risking your people's lives to extinguish his power and control? Cost-benefit analysis. Surely you must have attended economics classes, Mr Bush. Are you really trying to say that the benefits far outweigh the costs of war?

I sympathise with you. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You ran for office, never really expecting to immediately come face to face with terrorism at its worst in recent years. You probably had great plans for the nation, for the world. But all these were abruptly halted on September 11. And the world watched to see what this newly-elected American President was made of. If I ever met you, I would tell you that you did great and you did your best under those horrific circumstances. I don't know how many people have ever stopped to thank you. Everybody needs encouragement. You are no exception.

The duties of an American President are far more complex and extensive than that of a president of any other country. Because you are not concerned only with the 52 states of your country, you are also concerned with happenings in other countries - China, N Korea, S Korea, Japan, Russia, France, the United Kingdom etc. I will probably never understand what you have to go through. I know, though, that it isn't easy. But I also know that you hold a lot of power.

Mr Bush, I have every confidence that you will win this war. I also have every confidence that hundreds of thousands of Iraqi lives will be destroyed. Because you won. I'm not saying you're right in moving towards war and I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just asking you to please not go there.

Please, Mr Bush. Don't go to war.

For a time, I used to keep getting collections of poetry as presents. For a time, I used to write poetry myself. I started when I was little. Sure, they'd be simple ABAB type poetry (for the uninitiated, ABAB is an alternate rhyme scheme) but I had a lot of fun. I remember my first poem was about cows. It went something like this:

Cows are good
They give us food
They give us milk
Which is smooth as silk
They give us meat
Which we can eat

... and so on and so on. I can't remember the rest. That wasn't ABAB but you get my drift. And I remember that by the end of it, I was feeling so proud of myself. That sparked off many years of writing. My most active writing years were from the age of 8 to 18. Somewhere in between, I attended the Creative Arts Programme only to learn that nobody thought I was good enough. Yes yes, so the other participants were mainly from RGS, RI and RJC and I was a puny girl from Fairfield. Still, I've never believed that the calibre of your craft is determined by the institution you come from.

In later years, my poetry became more personal. A good friend of mine wrote a poem called The Mirror and I wrote a response to it called Reflections. He said that if he ever got published, he'd place mine next to his because they went together. And I said the same thing. He was probably the only one I shared my writing with, discussing poetry at length. I think I'm starting to sound like a nerd. Discussing poetry??? Hell-llo?? Nothing a hip 18 year-old should be doing ;)

Anyway, I've lost most of my poetry. As in I don't know where they are now. I've also stopped writing. A major reason was that in my years in Australia, I could never find anyone who appreciated poetry, who wrote poetry or who even cared for creative arts, for that matter. And so, the ink stopped flowing. The inspirations were still there, make no mistake of that. I was still able to see the beauty in things and I believe I see special things in simple things. The childlike mind that looks around in awe and wonder at everything is still there. But that was just it. I was inspired but I could not write anymore. The inspirations were stuck.

I used to freak out that I couldn't write anymore. Now I'm resigned to it. I've since turned to other forms of writing - songs, blogs. I'll leave you with one of the last poems I wrote. This was written in Australia, inspired by the burning red autumn leaves on trees. I had already stopped writing for about 2 years then. The good friend I mentioned earlier said this poem sounds too William Blake-ish. No surprise though, since he's my favourite poet. Anyway, the poem is rather shaky, showing signs of my writing regression. It's like a terminally ill patient in the late stages of illness. It's sad but it's a memory.

As Leaves So Crimson Turn

As leaves so crimson turn,
So minutes steal away
And wander where we’ve yet to go
For want of present day.

As scarlet tears depart
The flaming crown of wistfulness
And fall in glory of long ago,
Of youth and verdure past,

So comes too quickly, time –
Astray, that tarries not a day
And chides the tardy soul who waits
In futile hope for May

Rest not, delay at peril of the
Dawn that waits for none,
And rest in comfort of the Son
Who shall in glory come.

I hate the sound of my voice.

It's such a letdown when you realise the groovy voice you hear isn't the same voice people hear. I haven't got the courage to send in a recording for the presenter position. Those of you who know me, know that I sound like a 12 year-old. Imagine a 12 year-old reading a news report BBC-style. It cracks me up. Seriously. Well at least I'm having fun laughing at myself :)

In other news, the wonderful people at Hotel Intercontinental, God bless their souls, have offered me the position of front office assistant. My free-as-a-bird lifestyle ends on the 5th of Feb. Yay. I've always been a strong advocate of attitude. It's all in the attitude I think. Your attitude determines how you perform, how you feel, how you survive. Indulge me this once, 3 months later I could be singing a very different tune. Let me be idealistic for a little while longer.

Ok, so CNY is fast approaching. Here's what I like about it:
1. $$$
2. Mandarin oranges
3. Bah Kua and prawn crackers
4. Those peanut cookies that melt in your mouth. You know, the ones with half a cashew nut on top
5. Meeting the clan
6. Comments like, "wah, so big already ah", "wah, so tall ah" (I really like that one), "wah, getting prettier ah"

Here's what I don't like:
1. Waking up before noon
2. The crowd
3. The feeling of lonliness amidst the crowd
4. Giving 2 mandarin oranges only to have them returned immediately. I mean, I really don't geddit... I know it's customary and all and I don't mean to be rude but I really don't geddit
5. Meeting the clan
6. Comments like, "wah, getting fatter ah", "still no boyfriend ah"

I feel sorry for all married couples who are not doing well in the economic downturn. I'm sorry you still have to give ang pows to kids like me. *snigger*. Ok ok, I'm sorry... but I do know of a relative who's already said she's not going to give ang pows to those who are working. I wonder if I fall into that category. I mean, technically, I only start on the 5th...

So is CNY only about red packets? Like is Christmas only about presents? For me, CNY is an excuse to meet up with extended arms of the family. Other than weddings (and how often do those happen? those that did happen, I missed because I was in Australia), CNY is probably the only other time everybody gets to see everybody else. I guess it's good. Reminds me that I have relatives. Some of my Australian friends have family in Perth, Margaret River, Denmark, Sydney and Melbourne. I, on the other hand, have family in Sengkang, Clementi, Katong, Bukit Timah, Novena (I think) uh... I dunno where else. Singapore is sooo small but sooo foreign to me. Honestly, I don't know where Ang Moh Kio, Aljunied, Lavender, Simei, Potong Pasir, Braddell, Toa Payoh, Admiralty (is that how you spell it?) are. All I know is that they're either north or east. And uh, maybe central. I think I need a tour guide.

Happy Chinese New Year's eve eve eve!

You know why I keep taking these emode tests? It's because they keep emailing me with latest updates and latest tests! It's really not my fault! And btw, here are the latest test results. A word of caution - this inkblot test takes ages. i wouldn't recommend it unless you have cable internet or a lot of time.

Melissa, your unconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Nothing new to update on. If you are reading this during a lecture... tsk tsk...... *shakes head*................
I'm honoured :)

Get back to work people.

The moon's been really pretty these few nights. It's been hanging around outside my window, like my little nightlight. Whether it's full
or halved, the moon still has its luminous glow that beams into my room each night such that when I turn off the lights, my room is still aglow. It's an almost magical feeling. And it's reassuring to know that the moon is out there. I find myself constantly looking out the window to make sure it hasn't floated away. I'm serious. You know how these things happen - earth rotates, revolves, moon in the sky goes up, up, up etc. It's not always in the same position. I just want to make sure it's still outside my window - my little guardian angel, watching me sleep :)

Speaking of which, I was awakened by the burning rays of the sun this morning. Direct hit on my legs, thankyouverymuch. I tried twisting my body this way and that and changing positions but nothing worked. So I finally pushed myself up, leaned to slide the window shut and turned on the air-con. And I wandered back to dreamland. I have the weirdest, weirdest dreams. That will be another story but you can ask the people I relate my dreams to and they'll tell you I'm weird.

I'm feeling really awake now, for some reason. I think the strong eucalyptus lozenge in my mouth has something to do with it. Sigh.. I still remember when I used to get strong mints to keep myself awake in lectures. And just for the record, in all my undergraduate years, I've only fallen asleep in lectures once. JC was another story altogether. I used to fall asleep under the teacher's nose. It was English Lit lah... we were doing Chaucer... ooh yeah, Mr Canterbury Tales himself. One of my Lit teachers has since moved back to England. The one whose class I fell asleep in is still courageously fighting in ACJC. At least that's the last I heard. And did I mention I didn't even know they had a change in principal? I"m so out of the loop. But I guess no one wants to hear me rant about all these right?

Ok.

I really really want to go to Napa Valley some day. Wineries, fine dining, spas, lush countryside... I can smell the wine in the air and juicy steak sizzling on the grill... I really really really want to go there... like NOW. I love the country. I'm a country girl. Not to be confused with a country bumpkin or a hillbilly. I just don't like noise, don't like crowds, don't like pollution. I love fresh, crisp country air. It's got a distinct bite to it. And I love the smells of the country. Minus the stench of fresh manure. Not that I like stale manure either. The only thing that sucks about the country is the lack of mobile phone reception. Haha, that's the city girl in me talking. And spas... I love spas. I love spas more than I love erm... not going to a spa (the Vapex I've been inhaling is taking effect...). Oh, what I would give for a juicy steak right now. With loads of corn-on-the-cob. And fresh salad drizzled with vinaigrette. Then again, I'll settle for succulent lobster with groovy mango dressing. Oh, let's not forget the baked potatoes with melted cheese, sour cream and chives...

I'M HUNGRY.

I shall now go off to bed to suppress my cravings. But before I go, check out the additions to the Links section. I'm open to recommendations for style gurus. Will put up more soon. I love Designer Guys... they're so gay... but so endearing...

Ok, I'm hungry. Goodnight.

It's true. I'm sick. I've got the flu bug and I also think I know who passed it to me, or rather, which group of people passed it to me. It's ok, I'll forgive.

I really dislike being sick. I hate the sniffly nose, the constant sneezing my head off like it'll explode, the automatic pulling of tissue paper to bring it to my red, sore nose, the woozy head, the huge effort it takes to speak properly...

Blogging is good. I don't have to speak and I don't pass my germs to anyone. Yay.

Long overdue note: Shin - thanks for your email. I was really encouraged when you reminded me that Jesus started out as a carpenter :) Sorry I haven't replied. I'm usually rather efficient with mails.

Job update: They haven't called me back and I'm in no condition to do a voice recording. I'm going to wait it out.

End of blog update guys. I need more tissue.

Ok, I've been doing a wee bit of thinking and here's my take on Sun the Singing Pastor. I think that her church members should lay off a little. If she's not doing anything morally or spiritually wrong, then I don't think she should be given so much flak. If what she's doing is helping to further the kingdom at all, then I say good on her. I trust that as a pastor, she would have prayed about it and used godly wisdom to decide what to do. And I trust that she's not going into this blindly. I feel strongly about the fact that we are not fighting a war with each other. Our war is against the principalities of the world. Me no like internal fighting. Well I guess when you cross the line from religion into the entertainment world, things become very grey and very delicate. It's a bit like the whole Hillsongs phenomena I think. Bottom line - we shouldn't fight with brothers and sisters. They are not the enemy. And I say, do whatever it takes to populate heaven!!

Sun aside, I'm feeling a little better 3 Panadols and 2 Vicks Vapodrops later. Discovered that we don't have Panadol at home so I trooped down to the minimart to get me some. Found out later in the evening that we have various forms of Panadol (Panacol, Panadeine... whatever..).

On a lighter note, here's what Lil and I looked like about 14 years ago. And yes, those are Girls Brigade uniforms:




Thelma and Louise.

Argh... memories... listening to "Butterfly Kisses"... stupid song, always makes me cry... *pout*. Ok, it's not a stupid song, it's a beautiful song. And I'm a sucker for these emo type songs.

Ugh, I think I'm getting rashes...

I have been drinking water. Loads of it. Now, those who know me will know that this is a rare event indeed. So why am I drinking water? Because I feel the bug coming. It started with a little sore throat, then the woozy, heavy head and then the compulsive checking for rising forehead temperatures. 2 Strepsils and a number of glasses of water later, I am happy to report that I have yet to succumb to the dreaded flu virus.

My stomach is now making gurgling noises, probably unable to adapt to the sudden influx of water. And, a word of advice - you know how sometimes you need to go to the bathroom but you decide to finish that half a glass of water before going so you won't have to go again later? Doesn't work that way. When you gotta go, you gotta go. You can't expect to go to the can just once if you've consumed an ocean ya know...

They'd better be calling me tomorrow about the job. I'm getting mighty impatient. *insert compulsive foot-tapping*. My stomach's still gurgling. See, I'd always had a nagging suspicion that water was bad for me. Sigh.. this would be one of the worst times to fall sick. I have to make a voice recording for a part-time radio presenting position but I can't do it with a sore throat. Should I get the other job, I can't start work if I'm sick. Plus, Andrew only has a couple of weeks before he leaves and, knowing the long queue there is, being sick really cuts down possible (the operational word being "possible") time with him. It doesn't really bother me if I'm sick over CNY. It's happened before, I'm no newcomer to it. Then again, I missed CNY last year because I was in Perth being an enthusiastic orientation group leader. And did I mention I fell sick? Stomach flu. Uh-huh. I think there's a conspiracy here somewhere.

So anyhow, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I make it this time.

I'm an LOTR fan. Couldn't resist taking this test. And so...

You are most like
Galadriel, the Lady of Lorien

Like many elves, Galadriel has a rich inner life and a level of mystery. Although elves say both yes and know when sought for counsel, their insight is valuable. She has exceptional empathic abilities.
You are likely to be quiet, and gentle, enjoying helping other people grow and realize their potential. Others may view you as mystical. Time alone is important and solitary activities refresh you. You have a tendency to introspection. While providing compassion and being considerate, you may have the tendency of being soft-hearted or even "too emotional" You try to schedule your life as much as possible. You tend to finish your work before resting.

The Orcs display the evil side of this personality with their lengthy torture methods.

Traits: Empathic, benevolent, looking to the future. On the dark side you could be sadistic.

Indeed, I do think I have sadistic tendencies. How true. Anyway, thanks to Lil for the link :)

I knew it. I knew it all along.

Melissa, you're single because you don't want to commit

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party. But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

Yes, I took the "Why Are You Still Single" test. Sigh. There are a million reasons why I'm still single. Commitment phobia is just one of many. I have this feeling I might be a runaway bride getting a panic attack at the altar and saying, "weeell, I think I do but give me one more week to think about it". But like I said, that's just a minor reason. Yes, it's terribly minor when you look at all the other reasons. Thinking about them is giving me a headache.

Love seems to come so easily for some people. Just put two of them together and boom! Chemistry. And the next thing you know, they're attached. Married. Parents. Yada yada blah blah. One big happy Brady Bunch. Oooh.. I feel the little monster in me coming out...

I have to say I'm losing faith in the male species. Which is a good thing because if you put too much faith in something, you risk your heart getting broken and no number of band-aids can put the shattered pieces back together. Divine healing helps of course but that's another story.

Maybe love is for those who still believe in Santa Claus. For those who dream of being Cinderella. For those who think unicorns really exist. Maybe love is just for those people. The rest of us still have to worry about jobs and saving money and doing the laundry and washing the dishes. Love is a luxury we can't afford, an elusive fantasy, maybe a painful memory.

I think if you actually have someone in your life right now that you love and who loves you back, you should grab them, look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Hopefully, they say it back. If they don't, you're welcome to come join my therapy group. We meet every Valentine's Day and drink ourselves silly.

Anyway, that's just my bit on love. You're most welcome to take me seriously.

2nd post of the day. Update on Business Lunch - photos out below:




Lil and I at Pho Hoa.




The Interview.




Talk show host and guests.


That's all folks.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a group of people. This revolved around the possible reality of my landing a job in the previously mentioned position. I was asked if that was what I wanted to do, what I'm interested in. And I very honestly said that I'm in a stage of my life right now where I don't know what I want yet, don't know what I want to do. That drew a shocked "HUH?!" from one of the people listening in and very honestly, I was irritated. I was angry. What is so wrong with me not knowing what I want to do yet? I'm only 22 for crying out loud! Do I have to have a plan for the next 70 years of my life already? I'm not looking for career advancement. I'm not looking for money, I'm not looking for power. I'm just a young girl, stepping gingerly into the "real world", trying to learn how to be a responsible adult. Unfortunately, I don't have that many good examples around me so I'll have to figure this out more or less on my own and with loads of help from the One up there.

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I don't know what I want to do. I'm not ashamed to say it either. "HEY WORLD, LISTEN UP! I, MELISSA KONG, HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE AT THIS POINT. AND I'M NOT GOING TO HIDE THAT FACT. I'M NOT ASHAMED OF IT. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT JUST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW, I'LL NEVER KNOW IN THE FUTURE. IT'S A JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY. DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME BY PASSING JUDGEMENT ON ME NOW. I'M TRYING. DON'T MAKE ME GIVE UP."

Some people go to teaching school and their career is very much planned out for them. After 4 years, you automatically graduate to become a full-fledged teacher. They don't have to worry about the economy because no matter what happens, they have a job waiting for them upon graduation, handed to them on a silver platter.

Some people go to medical school for 6 years. They graduate knowing that they will become doctors. Of which kind, it's up to them but they will definitely work in the medical field. They know what they want to do, their lives are planned out for them.

Me, I don't have the luxury of all that (or shall we say, I'm fortunate not to have to limit myself like that). So don't blame me for not knowing what I want yet. Don't point your fingers because that is highly annoying and not becoming of a friend. I'm glad I don't know what I want. I'm glad I'm not some boring old geezer who wants to be an accountant for the rest of his life.

Pardon what little sarcasm there is in this post. I'm not nice all the time. I just need to let go of all this frustration. And if there's one thing I really loathe in people, it's that of being judgemental. Especially if I'm the subject of it. Let me be myself. Allow me to discover myself and my purpose without pressure, without guilt. That is all I ask.

So business lunch went really well. We had vietnamese food at Holland Village and adjourned to Gloria Jean's for kawfee and the interview. We all agreed that the setting (with big salmon pink couches and funky kawfee table) resembled that of a talk show/breakfast show/today show. And the pics will prove it. When Cheryl sends them to me. On the whole, I had a nice day :)

Listening to "Let There Be Love". I can't remember who sang it (who sang or who sung?). I like it. It's a chirpy jazzy tune. Puts me in a good mood :) Makes me want to jump up and dance and toss my head from side to side (although that may resemble some form of epileptic fit rather than a sprightly dance).

Let There be Love

Let there be you
Let there be me
Let there be oysters
Under the sea
Let there be wind
And occasional rain
Chilli con Carne
Sparkling champagne

Let there be birds
That sing in the trees
Someone to bless me
Whenever I sneeze
Let there be cuckoos
A lark and a dove
But first of all
Please let there be love.

I only found out what Chilli con Carne was when I walked into Borders yesterday and picked up Jamie Oliver's "Happy Days with the Naked Chef". I adore Jamie Oliver :) Anyway, Chilli con Carne's got beef in it I think. And chilli. Was looking more at pictures of Jamie and his incredibly lucky WIFE, Jools. Sigh. All the attractive men are taken. No offense to my unattached male friends. I think all of you are gorgeous ;) Actually, to prove it, here are some of my pretty boys:




Aren't they gorgeous? ;) (I have a feeling I'm going to get into some trouble for posting that pic but that's just a risk I'll have to take. Heehee.. ).

Ok, thus endeth the day's ramblings.

You know what's annoying? What's annoying is when ICQ refuses to connect. And so you disconnect and reconnect. Doesn't work. And so you turn off your computer. And you boot it again. Still doesn't work. I'm really annoyed. Uh-nwoyy-ed (complete with New Yorker drawl).

Telephone conversations no longer suffice. You can't talk on the phone at once to 10 people who are in different locations. You can't pretend to be anything because your voice betrays your emotions. You can't be a fake. Not that I'm a fake...

ICQ is good because it prevents you from shooting off your mouth. You actually have that split second more to really think about what you're saying as you type. On the phone, once it's out, it's out. There's no backspace key.

So we think about what a great disservice the people at ICQ do us by not doing whatever they should do to ensure that hapless people like me get to go online. But then we think, if not for them, we wouldn't have ICQ in the first place. And so the dispute continues...

"Business lunch" tomorrow with Lil and Cheryl. I hope Cheryl remembers. We will be discussing slimming issues. Or rather, Lilian will be interviewing Cheryl for her thesis. And I'll be checking out the male population. Will let you know if I see potential. I doubt it. Haha..

Righto, will be off now chaps. Tata!

Freaking out. Freaking out. Freaking out.

I know, I know. I know all there is to know about maintaining my composure, staying cool and knowing Who's in charge. But I'm still nervous wreck. Well, not exactly but you know what I mean.

You'd think after a few interviews, I'd be a pro at this. Far from it. In fact, my very first interview was probably my best - I was confident, smart, funny. That was with the HR manager. But when the marketing manager asked if I knew how to maintain a website, whether I knew html, I completely floundered. What was I to do? The confident, smart, funny me left and this meek, docile schoolgirl muttered an embarrassed "no". Whimpered, more like it. And after that, every other interview was far from splendid. I became polite. Soft-spoken. Careful. No more sassy downtown girl.

And so I'm freaking out. I'll let you in on a secret - I actually stopped eating chocolate before my first interview with the hotel just so I wouldn't break out. Of course, we have to thank God for Bobbi Brown. She's a lifesaver. Argh. Still freaking out. I'm hoping that by talking this out (typing actually), I'll feel better.

I should sleep soon. Or I might really break out tomorrow. Argh. I hate this. *grumble grumble* *whine* *grumble*

BLEAH.

I've got this nagging itch in my throat that manifests itself whenever it feels like it. It would be nice if I had some prior warning of course but nooo, it just comes when it wants to.

I decided to stay home today. Not because I'm a good girl but because I didn't feel like going out and getting crushed by the mob. Over the years, I've developed severe adverse reactions to crowds. I know it's probably not going to be crowded in town today, seeing as it's a Wednesday. Still...

Was rudely awakened by my doorbell (which sounds a whole lot like a constipated car horn). It was the cable guy. In my semi-conscious state, I let him in to do whatever he had to do (which he didn't in the end, but that's another story). So having been suddenly jolted out of bed, I decided to do the same to another poor soul whom I knew was definitely still in bed (we're talking past noon here). After doing so, I tried (albeit not very hard) to get her to go to town with me. But I think Miss Cheryl was too zonked to comprehend my jibberish. Miss Cheryl later asked me over ICQ if I was crying earlier or if she was just dreaming. I rest my case.

Nowadays, you can't get people to go out with you simply by calling them and asking them to meet you in an hour. Nowadays, you have to call a week in advance. Arrange time, place, activity. In the last few years, I haven't been able to get any of my friends out for a coffee or a lunch or a catch-up session, unless I arrange it at least a week in advance. I'm not sure if that's saying something about my popularity ;) What I'm really saying, though, is that I miss the spontaneity of going out with friends. Everything has to be arranged like some sort of business meeting. What happened to, "eh, let's go out for coffee. see you in half an hour" or "bored lah, wanna go out?" It's more fun, I think, going out without an agenda, knowing you don't have to be pressured to do anything or rush so that you make the next movie time. What happened to just chilling in the park or relaxing in a cafe, enjoying a little chat or simply the comfortable silence of your partner's company?

This is the way our lives are going, unfortunately. Once everyone starts working, spontaneity will be almost unheard of. Schedules have to be adhered to, deadlines met, money earned. Oh well, such is life. Just received a call to go down to the hotel for a second interview. I don't think I could take anymore interviews. Ugh. Icky-poo. But I should be grateful that I'm getting interviews at all right? Right.

Sigh. More updates tomorrow.

Had a surprise visit from Andrew last night :) He thinks it's preferable to talking on the phone at 2am when he's drifting off to sleep and I still have 14,000 words to speak. It's a quota thing. You know, how girls have to speak 28,000 words a day and guys speak 14,000? I feel a bit guilty now. I think I talk too much. Our late-night conversations (which are extremely few and far-between) usually have this portion:

Me: Eh, you want to sleep already right?
Him: (bravely) No, still can.
Me: You sure?
Him: Yah...

~10 minutes later~

Me: You sleepy?
Him: (still bravely) Not yet.
Me: Sure?
Him: Yah...

Okay, he deserves the Longsuffering Award :)

Thanks everyone for asking about the interview. It went really well. It's for the position of Front Office Assistant at Hotel Intercontinental. Basically, if I get it, I'll be the smiley face behind the counter who checks you in and out of the hotel. And if you're really important, I'll escort you to your room :) All with a smile, of course :) :)

I've always wanted to work in a hotel. In recent months, though, I've had my reservations (no pun intended). There will be really weird hours - you work when people sleep, you work when people go shopping on public holidays, you work when people wake up... but I like to see a hotel as a nice home that I own. So I'd invite people in, make sure they're comfy and leave feeling better than when they arrived. I think I'd enjoy doing that. But I'd also hate to think I went all the way (and it's really a long distance) to uni just to graduate and be a receptionist (let's not kid ourselves. A front office assistant is essentially a receptionist). But I think a hotel receptionist does so much more, gets to meet people from all over the world (something I really miss from uni days) and talk to them about what's going on in the rest of the world. What an opportunity :)

Be content in the little things. And if I can be trusted to do a little job well, I can be trusted to do bigger things. I think it's all in the attitude. I'm trying to make 2003 a better year, remember? :)

Be nice, y'all.

Suddenly I find out that a quite a number of people around me like Norah Jones :) She reminds me of Vonda Shepard though. Not as powerful but I can imagine her songs being on Ally McBeal.

Today I made myself useful and dismantled some chocolate and put them back together as chocolate and peanut butter swirls. It's sooo simple to make but looks really good. And it's really nice to be able to give them to people just to light up their faces :) Everyone thought they'd make great fundraisers. I think so too.

I've got a job interview on monday. Yay. At least some activity on the job front. I feel less guilty now.

I'm having an interesting conversation with Lil, considering it IS 1am. Apparently, I've just given up my one-time love, Mr Legolas, to her. Turns out we were both in love with the same guy. Typical isn't it? Best friends fall for one guy. Anyway, I've decided to be the noble player and bow out of the game. Legolas never was and never will be mine. You have my blessings, Lil. Although it's gonna take some bribing to stop me from telling him you were looking at pictures of Aragorn. Tsk tsk...

Is there anyone else out there who absolutely adores the way Mr L shoots his arrows?? *drool* He's too cute... I like... *big fat grin*. Heehee...

Today's been a good day.

The year's barely started and there's already been 2 fatal plane crashes and a fatal naval accident. And those are only ones that I've read about. What about those that I'm not aware of? I should probably get myself off the habit of reading the news huh. But I can't help it, I've got a kaypoh streak in me (in addition to the masochistic streak that was discussed in the prior entry). And, as my lecturers used to say, one of the most important things a journalist needs is to be a busybody. Maybe I should pursue a career in journalism after all. I'm saying this half-seriously.

Sometimes, though, I think I should go do something worthwhile with my life (no, not teach...). Like be a volunteer or something. Or get involved with some world aid organisation. Or something. I really don't see how we're supposed to graduate and then jump into the rat race immediately. And work our sorry asses off for the rest of our lives. Seriously, who does it benefit apart from ourselves and our organisations? So I go work for, say, Company X. I get paid a few thousand dollars a month, I go home happy. My company thrives, I earn more money, I go home happier. But that's it. I'm the sole beneficiary of my salary. Company X is the sole beneficiary of my labour. Isn't it kinda selfish? What about the rest of the world? The other people in the world? Issues in the world? Who else benefits?

I don't want to get embroiled in the disguises of the working world. I don't want to be another "corporate type" as Cheryl puts it. Surely there's more to life than working 9 - 5 (who works 9 - 5 anymore? I'd be ecstatic if I could get a job that lets me leave at 5pm). I want to feel like I'm doing something for a purpose. Something that benefits other people. Maybe it's all about perspective. Then again, isn't everything?

It's not that I'm being a preachy Joan-of-Arc saintly holier-than-thou type. I'm just being really honest with myself. 20 years down the road, I don't want to look back and realise that I've not done anything with my life, that I haven't done anything that I could be proud of. The only achievement I can be proud of now is an elaborate sheet of paper framed up and stored in my cupboard (???) because I don't have a nail in my wall for it to be hung upon. But almost everybody has a degree now. Those that don't will eventually.

I know I wasn't put here just to earn my keep, get a husband, build a family, and then die. I don't think God went to all that trouble to create me just so I could go round the merry-go-round. There's more to it. There's more in me. I know it. I'm going to make my life count. And maybe being a corporate type will be part of it. Maybe that's what I need to propel me, to finance my endeavours. What endeavours those may be, I don't yet know. All I know is that I want to make my life count. That will take a lifetime of work. Literally.

Maybe I could start by doing everything I do with a purpose. From the very littlest thing. Like washing the dishes, knowing that I'm washing them so they will be clean and germ-free and hygenic. It's a tiny step but everyone has to start somewhere :)

Lil and I were just talking tonight about what if neither of us ever meets someone and eventually ends up alone, old and grey. We'd have each other for support :)
*point to note: if you are at any point contemplating the same issues, do not listen to Norah Jones by yourself at 2 in the morning.*

I'm trying really hard to make 2003 a good one. I'm really trying to be a better person and to lift my spirits. Did you know that trying can be very trying? Pun fully intended. It's 2 in the morning.

There's a masochistic streak in me that keeps repeating the same song over and over. It's like I want to make myself burst into tears or something. I know Terence thinks Norah Jones has a sexy voice but for now, she's just making me want to curl up and cry. But I keep playing it over and over. I really am a masochist. It's like, "Here Norah, why don't you shoot me with your song. I'm sure I'll feel much better after that".

Shucks.

Ok, more photos today. These were from the day Andrew and I met Cheryl and Jon at Suntec. Huge coincidence. Bad photo day for me. According to Cheryl, bad photo day for her too. But anyone who's seen Cheryl's photos will know that there is no such thing as a bad Cheryl photo :)




The 3 Musketeers. Cute.




That's me with the long hair. No, the other one...



If you must know, Cheryl kindly exploded the second photo for me. She sent me a smaller one on my request but that mysteriously did not turn out.
Hanging out with good-looking people is bad for my self-esteem... haha... eh, joking only ah. I don't want a whole barrage of emails asking if I'm ok and telling me I'm not so bad myself :)

Time for nap, no?

Do you think it's silly to give a certain degree of something, knowing full well you're not going to get the same degree of that something back? As in, is it crazy to give 100% knowing that you're only going to get 35% back? Is it really just about investments and interest earned? Should it be?

Something tells me I'm being really dumb. Something tells me I'm going to wind up with a blooming deficit. I feel like I'm playing the stock market you know, taking big risks and putting everything on the line. It's like I'm putting all my money on one stock. If it goes up, yay me. If it falls, boo hoo. Am I just playing the market? Is it time to withdraw before I lose everything? Do I have anything to lose in the first place? That was a dumb question. I have lots to lose.

Why does it feel like I've got the short end of the stick? Why does it feel like I'm on a losing streak? Is it going to go up anytime soon? Is anytime one word or two? Why is the stock market associated with bulls? Because bulls are big and heavy and knock you around and trample on you and poke their horns in you?

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Believe it or not, I've been practising the why-you-should-hire-me speech. And I've come up with a number of good reasons too :) I'm pretty impressed with myself :) Of course, it's of absolutely no use if there's no potential employer on the other end to receive it. BUT I'm not gonna share it here because I'm afraid someone will steal my lines (and ultimately my job).. hahaha.. I'm paranoid but that's what happens in an economically unstable environment. I'm feeling pretty good about myself now. But that's mostly because I had a good time of prayer and reading the Word. I'm also resolving to be a nicer person :)

There are lots of things to look forward to in 2003. Let's not be too skeptical about the year. Have a party in honour of every little thing to rejoice over. Like if you found a shorter route to work in the mornings, or if you met the word limit on your 5000-word essay, or if that grouchy neighbour of yours smiled at you today. Throw a little confetti around. Take me metaphorically or literally. It works both ways :)

And everyone, smile :) Here's to a fantastic year ahead!

I've been atrociously pmsy the past week. Just thought I'd let everyone know that. My sincerest apologies to all who've had to bear the brunt of it. You know who you are :)

So let's talk about pms today. Yes, at one in the morning. Hmm. What exactly does pms do to you? Well, I don't know what it does to you but I sure do know what it does to me. I feel like I have 45 different personalities in one day. Make that in one minute. I can be perfectly pleasant to you one moment and bark at you the next. Which makes being around me difficult. Which means the people who stick around are either emotionally challenged or love me very much *at this point, you should resist the temptation to say anything that you would regret in the face of my fist*. Something tells me I'm still pmsing. I don't know what... it's just a hunch.

Should I survive the latest pms attack, I face incredible joy and delirious happiness. So I emerge from the hellride of an emotional rollercoaster to turn back and look at the chaos I've left behind. And I sigh. I saw it coming. I did. And suddenly I've got Jingle Bells playing in my head. Don't ask me where that came from.

Pms really messes with my head. Here's a tip - don't take most of what I say seriously if you know I'm pmsing. Um, with the exception of what I've said so far. I feel like going to Japan. My nose hurts. I think I'm going to bed. It's been nice talking to you.

Yay!! The photos turned out!! Thanks Lil :)

My first post of 2003.

As such, I will attempt to post pictures here. Courtesy of my trigger-happy friend, Lil. These pics were taken yesterday when Lil and I met for breakfast at the Royal Copenhagen Tea Lounge. It was a nice place but felt very much like it was catered to Japanese tourists. But anyhow, I shall post the photos. Deep breath, here goes:



That's us very happy after tea, scones, scrambled eggs and bacon. And of course, exchanging Christmas presents.




Lil's excited about what awaits her in the pretty gold package. I love her pixie grin :)




This was not a posed picture. Lilian likes catching her subjects unaware.



*crosses fingers* I hope the photos turn out.