BIG thank you to Lil for that poster picture of Nakata :) My best friend knows me best eh? ;) Here are 10 reasons to love Nakata:

1. He is gorgeous :)
2. He's Japanese (I have a thing for Japanese men)
3. He plays good football (I know, I know, very debatable. But he does in my opinion. And I know some people are gonna say, "she's a girl, what does she know about soccer?" Well, it's my blog so if I say he plays good football, he does :P)
4. He is a complete gentleman. So important.
5. He's professional. Doesn't take it personally on the pitch. He plays his best, goes home, that's that. He knows not to get his emotions involved.
6. He speaks English. So important.
7. Did I already mention he's gorgeous?
8. He's cute :) As in baby cute :)
9. He'll never pick a fight with me :)
10. Hello?? With a name like Hidetoshi Nakata?? It's absolutely droolsome man...

Now all that's left for me to do is to find someone like him and be happy for the rest of my life. Anyone has any Japanese friends? Hey Cheryl, maybe Jon has some eh? ;) No gaijins, just pure Japanese :)

I just realised I'm running out of shampoo. Ever wonder why they call it SHAM-POO?

Today when I woke up, every bone in my body, every bit of flesh (and the extra bits as well), was telling me to stay in bed. People do that all the time right? They're too tired, didn't get enough sleep, worked too hard, so they decide to skip church for one day. Well, it's something I've been tempted many times to do, but I've never done. Somehow, I've always had some sort of a divine nudge to get me out of bed on a Sunday morning to go to church. I'm not praising myself. Hardly something to boast about when you can't get out of bed on a Sunday. I'm just really glad I did go today.

We had an excellent message on the costs of leadership. Something all too painfully familiar to me. One point that stuck in my head was this: The cost we're willing to bear for something, shows how much that something really means to us. In other words, the stuff that we're willing to give up shows the value we place on the person we're willing to give it up for. Like for example, if you take your girlfriend to a fancy-schmancy-finances-reducing place for dinner instead of some old downstairs coffeeshop, it means she's worth something to you. In the same way, the things we're willing to surrender to God show how much He really means to us. Leadership always demands surrender. Surrender always comes with a cost. Therefore, leadership comes with a cost. James Crook said, "The man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd". How true. It signifies so blatantly the loneliness that comes with spiritual leadership. And that's not just talking about ministry leaders, cell leaders, whatever kind of "appointed" leaders. It's talking about YOU and ME, because we've all been called to be spiritual leaders. But as I mentioned in my earlier post, loneliness is essential and can be a good thing. It truly makes us realise our dependence on God. I'm glad they brought this up in the message today.

My cell group's compiled an album for the staff at Tan Tock Seng hospital with our messages of encouragement inside. I urge all of you to send some sort of message, email or letter to them in this time of anxiety, pain, fear, difficulty. Many of them have not gone home in a while and are daily putting themselves at risk to help those who've been infected with the SARS virus. My heart goes out to them and I hope yours does too. Please, I don't know what else to say except that they really need support and love right now. Let's do something to share God's heart with them.

Now you know why I was glad I went to church today. Thank God He nudged me out of bed.

Today was Dad's birthday :) I made use of my staff privileges and got him a cake from the hotel. Dad said he'd waited 60 years to cut his first birthday cake! We never knew that... and wow, my dad's 60! He doesn't look at day over 45 though ;) So anyway, dinner was at the Guild House and the band from next door played a birthday song for dad. Pretty cool cos we didn't even tell them it was his birthday. Good communication between restaurant staff and band :)

On a not-so-happy note, my hairspray got stolen today : ( I feel kinda dumb saying it cos it's like, who would want to take someone else's bottle of hairspray unless you're really so poor you can't afford your own bottle? But I guess it was my fault too because I left it on the sofa instead of putting it back in my locker. When I came down for my break, I realised I needed to touch up and couldn't find my hairspray. Sigh. And it was a new bottle too. I feel stupid for misplacing it and feel even worse that somebody would actually want to take it : ( Now I have to get another bottle. And I'm not really happy about spending my pay on replacing stuff that I just bought. Oh, I just got my second paycheck, did I tell you? Hee. Nothing to 'Hee' about really but I guess I'm grateful for any money that I earn cos I really need to save for important things.

Now back to happy news :) I felt a dull ache in the fingertips of my left hand. And I realised why. Ladies and gentlemen, Samick has come home :) And I'm happy to report that he's well and sounding better than before. In fact, when Ian passed him back to me, he said, "this is not the same guitar anymore". INDEED. Samick now sounds smooth and buttery and mellow and resonates with such
richness. Ooooooooh! My beloved Samick is in such good shape! Except one or two strings vibrate more than they should and produce a buzzing sound that is really annoying. Ian said it's got to do with the wear and tear of the strip at the neck of the guitar. I don't mind it so much I guess, because Samick sounds soooo delicious! It's a really nice rich sound, yet a little light. Good good :)

Overall, I'm a happy chappy.

SARS. Am I freaked out? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Do I wish I was on some other planet? Yeah, I think so.

You know, you think these things will never happen in a place like Singapore, where medical facilities, technology and security are not things we question. We are superior in all these aspects. We are far advanced in science and technology. We have gone far into the exploration of the life sciences (at the expense of the arts. Yes, I am griping here). We are, in other words, an advanced, modern, developed, hi-tech country.

But we have fallen victim to SARS.

People in Singapore are paranoid now. Plastic masks are almost all out of stock. So are disinfectants used to clean hands. A sneeze will send people literally scooting to the other end of the train. Or library. Or office. I'm even uncomforatble with sneezing in public now because I don't want people to think I have SARS and glare at me for being inconsiderate enough to wander out of my quarantine area.

Tonight, we had to have cell group in NUS because SAJC is closed and they're pretty strict about it. Sunday School for children will also be cancelled this week, although service will go on as usual. It's hitting me rather hard.

I work in a place where I have direct face-to-face contact with travellers from all over the world. Just yesterday, one of them was unwell and looking for a hospital. And I think of my friends who work in hospitals. And I think about what they have to go through mentally. It's tough. It really is.

You know, we're living in really uncertain times. No jobs, war, SARS... you know how they say, when it rains, it pours? This is really hitting home for me. And I'll admit that I'm scared. I confess that. All I can do is pray. Really, times like these make you realise how fallible, vulnerable and frail the human being is. Times like these take away our pride and self-confidence and reduce us to a heap of insecurities, fear and uncertainty. We can only do so much. Haven't we realised that we are in the hands of the Almighty? It's hard to imagine this, but at the end of it, He is still in control. He still knows what's going on. And He hasn't forgotten us.

So yes, I'm scared. Because I'm a human being and I have feelings. But I'm secure. Because I know Who my Father is. And hard as it is to let Him handle everything, it's pretty much all I can do now. I'm not preaching. I'm just doing the most obvious thing one does when one has no power to do anything - give it to the One who does have the power.

Take care of yourselves.

I was reading your blog. About what you said about being alone and feeling lonely. Girl, can I just say that I completely understand. And you know, some of my loneliest days were when I was a cell leader. Q told me once that the road of leadership is often a very lonely one. How very true. And I know that every other person, at some point in his or her life, has felt that way too. As "unholy" as this may sound, I think that simply saying, "God is always there", is insufficient. Because I know when people say that to me, it doesn't alleviate the feeling of isolation and despair. At the same time, we do tend to take God's omnipresence for granted. And I say 'omnipresence' as opposed to 'manifest presence'. Just a thought - maybe sometimes we have to be lonely to realise our dependence on God. Perhaps it's in the times of loneliness that our relationship with the Lord deepens in intimacy and maturity. If we were never lonely, we'd never be so painfully aware of our need for the Comfortor. I would say, take this opportunity to fall in love all over again with the Father.

I do think loneliness is essential. It's essential for growth and spiritual maturity. And I don't mean just physical loneliness where there's no one else around. I mean an emotional loneliness, a spiritual loneliness. Some sort of a desert experience. All great men and women of God have gone through it. And I think what distinguishes them from the rest is that they came out the better for it. They grabbed the opportunity to take a chance with God. They hung in there.

And you know what the best thing is? This loneliness, it will not last forever. This too, shall pass.

It's a quiet night tonight as I sit and type. It's a quiet morning actually. Just felt like some company so I decided to blog. All is still. And I realise my facade is slowly melting away. Indeed. Isn't it strange to put on a facade when you know the rest of the world knows you do it? Sometimes all it takes is the tiniest of triggers to whip the facade off and expose the raw, inner self that's cowering in fear.

I have my fantasies. Of being on my own. Anywhere but here. Sometimes in my mind, I see myself sitting at a cafe under the warm mediterranean sun, by the aquamarine water lining the beach. A man pedals by on a quaint tricycle-like bike-thing. He smiles, creasing his leathery face. I smile back and take another sip of my (I wish I could say coffee but you all know what coffee does to me) hot chocolate, with the breeze stroking my hair. A grubby looking boy with dirty brown curls totters up, ice cream smeared all over his face. He looks up with the sweetest grin and then trips and tumbles to the ground. He picks himself up, gurgles and runs off to a waiting adult. I look around me. The day is perfect and I'm getting a great tan ;)

Then there's the other fantasy. I'm in a thick winter coat strolling down a street in Europe. The cold has blushed my cheeks a rosy pink. My hands are in my pockets, warm and snug. It's not winter but it sure is cold. I cross a road and wander into a park where people are walking their dogs, couples are lost in their own worlds and solitary figures are reading the morning latest. A stray leaf floats down and brushes my shoulder before meeting the ground. I walk into the city centre and pass a collection of stores in the city's market square. Now and then, a curious trinket calls out to me and I move closer for a more careful inspection of the intriguing object. The smell of cinnamon perfumes the air, along with the enticing aroma of freshly baked bread. I close my eyes, stick my nose up in the air and smile. Paradise. Well, almost :)

There you go, some of my fantasies. Made a little more real by Sinatra crooning on my computer :) Just needed to escape for a moment. Maybe someday they won't be fantasies anymore. Until that day, I'll keep my imagination healthy and alive. But for now, the bed beckons, with the possibility of stepping into another fantasy location. Goodnight, my friends.

Didn't get to go to the Botanic Gardens today : ( Was woken up at 8am by an sms from Paul telling me the weather was great but he wasn't. So we thought, never mind, he'll probably feel better afterwards. 1pm, an hour before we're supposed to meet, it starts drizzling. What followed was ferocious thunder and lightning. Sigh. I prayed for good weather today. I guess I forgot to specify when :)

So anyway, I'm at home the whole day (which isn't that bad because I've realised that my feet ache when I walk, so I've planted myself on my bed semi-permanently). Unfortunately, I have contractors at my place doing work on my parents' bathroom which is separated from my room by a wall. Yay me. Both yesterday and today, I awoke to the beautiful chorus of the Bathroom Sonata. No no, nothing funky, just hammering and drilling.

Highlight of my day: The Bachelor is showing at 10pm! Hey, I may be a contemporary 21st century girl but I'm still a girl! And by the way, my man of the moment is no longer Mr Designer Guy Chris. It's now (has always been really) Mr Naked Chef himself, JAMIE OLIVER!!!!! Yes, I know I was raving about him some time ago on my blog but now he's back on tv!!! I love hith lithp and hith accthent. He ith tho completely fathinating. Me love him :)

In the meantime, I will just lie back, turn on the music and enjoy my day. I'm gonna have a ball! :)

Got a call from the Business Centre today saying that a guest had locked himself out of the room and that I should go bring a key to him. So I did the usual thing, cut a new key card and proceeded up to the Business Centre. When I got up there, a really good-looking, tall, blonde man was standing outside waiting for me (if only he was really waiting for me and not for his key) and he called out, “Are you the angel that’s come to save me?” *drool* :) So I walked him to his room, made small talk and offered my assistance for anything else he would require (which girl wouldn’t??). When I got back to the front desk, I was all smiles and feeling flushed :) It’s been a while since I’ve had a mini-crush on a total stranger :) I think it’s really funny. Brings me all the way back to secondary school :)

Guess who dropped by the hotel today? Those of you in Murdoch, you might know John Hyde. He works in the prospective students centre. Anyway, he’s here to check out rooms for the vice chancellor. Hehe, inside news – the VC’s coming to Singapore :) So as usual, I talked to him and told him I was from Murdoch and he remembers me because my group did a marketing presentation for the University Senate once and he was there. We talked about the job market here and he said he has some contacts that he’d get in touch with to see if they need marketing people. And he also asked for my details to add me to the Murdoch alumni. Heehee. Little pockets of Perth drop in on my life even though it’s been a while since I’ve left. Just yesterday I checked in a couple from Darlington. They own a winery there. How cool is that? This is the part of my job that I really love. I get to meet so, so many people from everywhere! And especially Perth :) Of course this also means I’m at a higher risk of being exposed to viruses and diseases from around the world, especially now as people are paranoid about SARS.

Yet another phone conversation today:

Engineer: Who am I speaking to ah?
Me: This is Melissa.
Engineer: Heehee, Malaysia ah? Heehee…
Me: *grr* yes yes…

I want to smack them.

When I got home tonight, I stepped out of the car and hobbled to the lift, hunched and in pain. It's times like these that tempt me to reconsider my vocation. As I'm typing this, there's a throbbing pain in my left heel and there's nothing I can do about it. If you didn't know me, you'd probabaly think I'm a 70 year-old lady writing about her typical day.

I'll write about my day anyway. I had a bad day at work. Made mistake after mistake after mistake. None of them life-threatening or job-threatening of course, but mistakes nevertheless. At the end of the day, sometimes I just sit on my bed and cry. So much has been going on in my life lately and I really need to get away from it all. I get into trouble at work because different people tell me different things and so when I do something I've been told to do, someone else scolds me for doing it that way. I mean, it's really not me doing anything wrong. It's really frustrating sometimes. Those of you who've been having coffee/tea/drinks with me, I've been asking you out so often because I just need a little sunshine to beam in through the gloomy clouds. Every time I have coffee with someone, it reminds me that I still have some semblance of a social life. You know, it's through these times that you learn to distinguish the acquaintances from the friends, the friends from the good friends, the good friends from the close inner circle. And you learn how very precious that close inner circle is in times of despair. Because it's this close inner circle that will grow with you, that will accept you, that will challenge you, that will genuinely love you, that will let you into their lives and share the journey with you. These are the givers. These are the ones who care deeply and are fiercely loyal to the friendship. These, my friends, are the gems that God gives to each life for mutual edification. I have many good friends, many, many of them. And I thank God for each one of them. But there aren't many in the close inner circle. In fact, there are hardly any. Which makes them all the more precious I think :)

Met up with pastor on Sunday. Had a chat about my transfer of membership. He says they take transfers very seriously (which is very good to know) and talked about my reasons for transfer, questions about the Anglican church (which I will find the answers to in confirmation class), similarities with the Methodist church etc. Now I have to go to my previous church and meet up with someone to get a form to fill up and all. It's making me really think about my transfer and why I'm doing it (which is what pastor said it was supposed to do). And I'm glad to say that I'm doing it because I really want to grow in Christian maturity. Growth is the key word here. Then again, I'm also aware that I cannot rely on the church to do my growing for me. It should only faciliate the growing, not do it. God needs to do that. And I need to be connected with Him.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with You. - Psalm 139:17, 18.

Had coffee with Paul after work on Saturday. Was one of those rare opportunities when we got to catch up and share stuff that's been happening in our lives. I had a really nice time, although I was dead tired having been on morning shift the entire week. We talked quite a bit about my life and what I'm doing with it. I told him that I don't intend spend the rest of my life climbing the corporate ladder. Heck, I don't even want to climb it at all. He says he sees me doing humanitarian work and asked if I'd ever considered working for the UN. Very, very interesting. You know, when I first started working, I decided that I wanted to do something that made a difference, that benefited others. The first organisation that came to mind was WHO (for the very, very uninformed, WHO is World Health Organisation. It's part of the UN. For the even more uninformed, UN stands for United Nations). So you can imagine that Paul telling me to go work for the UN really made me sit up. My dad, though, laughed when I told him about it. I was kinda hurt and I asked him why he was laughing. He said I have very high ideals. I asked (just for the sake of it) if that was bad and he said no, just that most people don't think about doing things for other people. I just don't like it when my dad laughs at my ideas or things I have to tell him. It's highly demoralising and brings my world crashing down.

That aside, I'm giving this UN thing some thought and praying about doing humanitarian work. You know, perhaps you do need idealistic people to do such things. People who believe that they can actually do something to, cheesy as it may sound, make this world a better place. Whatever it is, I'm definitely not going anytime soon. There are still things for me to do here, a church to settle in and be equipped by, and if I go now, I know my mom's going to faint. And my dad will kill me because he will have to bear the brunt of my mom's constant exaggerated worry. Anyway, it's not something I'm ruling out completely. Definitely something I'll do in my lifetime.

So as I said, I've been extremely tired. Remember my wonderful double days off? I haven't had a day off since then and my next one's on Wednesday. Might be heading down to the Botanic Gardens then to chill out with Paul. Looking forward to that. I need a mini-holiday :)

Oh, Cheryl, I watched a little bit of the Miss Singapore Universe pageant when I was at Modestos. Paul and I were laughing our heads off! I can't believe they have a prize for "Miss Beautiful Eyes"!!! I mean, if you want to narrow it down to body parts, why not a "Miss Beautiful Thumb" or "Miss Beautiful 4th Toe On The Right Foot"? How about a "Miss Beautiful Elbow"? Or a "Miss Beautiful Ear"? Ok, ok, I'll stop here. But how ridiculous is this?? I will smack their heads. While we're on that topic, maybe they should really have a "Miss Beautiful Brains". I wonder if any of the contestants would have won that one.

Ok, that's enough for the day. Toodle loo dahlings.

Suddenly, my problems seem like they're not even worthy of mention. There's been one casualty so far. That's one casualty too many. It's not just a body count you know. It's a life. Ask the victim's family and they'll tell you. They'll tell you what a good person he/she was (I don't know if the civilian who died was male or female), what a devoted husband/wife/father/mother he/she was. Behind that life is, or should we say, was a story of precious uniqueness, of relationships with people, of good times and of bad. All this has now been reduced to a heap of ashes; memories that will forever sting with the pain of loss and grief. Such a waste. That person needn't have died. I'm really not happy about this.

And what about us? Is this the time to ponder the human life? To take stock of the relationships we share with people? Why is it we only say good things about people when they're gone? We seem to appreciate them more when they're not there anymore. Why? Because we take things for granted. We take the people around us for granted. And we most definitely take God for granted. It's only when Sept 11 happened that people started talking about God and going to church. Before that, America was rife with the disease of the world. Suddenly, people are turning to God. Why? Because they've realised that He's the only one they can run to now. That He really IS the Shield, Strength, Deliverer, Shelter.

I don't know who the bad guy is in the Iraqi crisis. And maybe it doesn't matter. But personally, I think that sending your troops on a mission to kill Saddam, without even a proper trial, is essentially murder. Assassination. And I don't think that's right. Not even on the pretext of keeping the world safe. You can bomb his bases, destroy his military equipment, totally and utterly disarm him. But to hunt him down to kill him, that I cannot swallow.

I've always maintained that whatever I do in life, as long as I'm able to sleep at night, I'm happy. To go to bed with a clear conscience is important to me. I hope that Bush and Saddam are able to do that. And no, there was no sarcasm in that comment.

To every soldier in the battlefield, whichever side you're on, I'm praying for you. To every civilian in Baghdad, Kuwait and surrounding areas, I'm praying for you. President George W. Bush, I'm praying for you. President Saddam Hussein, I'm praying for you too. Before we get too judgemental, let's remember that the same God who created you and I, created President Bush and President Hussein. Finger-pointing gets us nowhere. Let's just really pray earnestly for all involved and for a quick resolution to the crisis.

God bless each and every one.

Hmm, this didn't get posted yesterday. Anyway, this post is one day old.

How to tell if your biological clock has gone wonky:

1. You wake up before the sun does.
2. You take a nap at 6pm but wake up 2 1/2 hours later when you only meant to shut your eyes for a little while.
3. You are awakened by a phone call at 8.30pm
4. It's pitch black.
5. You jump out of bed because that was probably Dad calling to say he's waiting for you in the car.
6. You panic because you're going to be oh-so-late for work.
7. You realise it's 8.30pm and you've already been to work, you're home and you haven't had your dinner.

Went to look for a pair of shoes for work today. Found one at Charles and Keith but they only have it in brown. Was so disappointed that I headed to Mango to console myself. Emerged with a t-shirt and another striped shirt :) Me like Mango very much :) Methinks if I continue to console myself for every single thing, I'm going to be out of money to console myself anymore. But mmm... me like Mango very much :)

Had a near accident at work today. With a credit card. You know how hotel room keys nowadays are in the form of magnetic key cards right? We encode these cards by keying in the necessary details and inserting the card into this groovy machine that makes a mechanical sound as it sucks the card in and then spits it out. You're probably getting an idea of the mistake I almost made :) So anyway, I had the guest's credit card in one hand, his soon-to-be room key in the other. As I brought the card to the mouth of the suck-and-spit machine (I couldn't decide between calling it a 'sucker' or a 'spitter'), I realised that it was gold in colour. "That's not right", she thinks to herself. A silly grin appears on her face. Oops. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had put the wrong card in.

Chatted with another Australian guest today. He's from Sydney. We were talking about places to go to in Australia and he suggested going to Exmouth if I decided to make a trip to Perth. I want to go to the Blue Mountains though. It'd be really fun to go skiing there :)

And now I have to head off to bed. The next time I wake up, it'll still be pitch black but I'll really have to go to work. Bummer.

Oh well, have a nice day y'all :)

Here’s a tip: if the washing label says “do not tumble dry”, DO NOT tumble dry. And here’s another tip: do not overload your dryer. And while we’re at it, I’ll just throw in one more: if your clothes aren’t completely dry after the first tumble round, take them out and hang them out.

There you have it – Washing 101.

Remember that load of laundry I did on my day off? Er, did I mention it was a LOAD of laundry? :) Anyway, I was too lazy to separate the ‘do not tumble dry’s from the rest. I dumped the whole LOAD into the dryer. From experience with Student Village dryers, I learnt that you should not overload your dryer ‘cos your clothes won’t dry. And I also learnt that clothes shrink in the dryer.

So what happened was that my clothes were obviously not dry (since there were 3 pairs of jeans and 1 towel amongst the LOAD) and my well-meaning father put them in for another round. The result – I now have baby clothes that I can pass on to my offspring. Some of the casualties were my black cardigan (which I yanked and pulled to stretch) and the brown striped shirt I really like. It’s still wearable but really short and a bit tight.

Tsk tsk… I never learn…

I got run over today. Actually, my foot got run over. By a pram. I have to say that I suspect this is not the first time. Because this is actually a familiar experience *coughing noise in background. mel realises it's warmsocks. mel hears "loser" in those coughs. or is she just dreaming? find out on the next episode of 'Days of the Bold and the Restless'*.

Apart from that, I had a pretty okay day. Got talking to a nice old lady from Perth. Yes, I always chat up these Perth people :) So anyway, she wanted to change some money and she handed me 2 green Aussie bills. My heart nearly broke. So nice to see Oz money again. Anyway, I changed the money for her. In case you Perth people are wondering, the exchange rate is something like A$1 to S$0.990066 or something. And that's the hotel rate, which is usually higher than outside. So Miss Nice Old Lady told me about her 3 granddaughters who are studying at different unis in Perth. Gosh, now that I think about it, she reminds me of the nice lady at the retirement home in Albany.

You know, I'm getting a bit edgy. I really don't want war to break out. I really really don't. And it's not just a selfish thing too. I really don't want millions of people to lose someone they love. I really really don't. I mean, we're not here on earth for a very long time. Why do they want to make it even shorter? And what's this about forcing Saddam into exile? They think it's actually going to help? I think Bush doesn't really know what he wants. All he knows is that he wants to fight. Because he was bullied on Sept 11. I see this as a tit for tat situation. I don't think it's about oil, I don't think it's about money and I don't even think it's about flouting UN regulations and possessing weapons of mass destruction. I think it's about the need to close the Sept 11 chapter. It's about, "if I can't find Osama, I'll just have to kill you. I have plenty of reasons to want your head anyway". I think perhaps a scapegoat was needed, and in this case, found. But that's just my opinion. Which is probably as for from reality as it gets. Or maybe not.

Well anyway, I don't know how I got to this. I just came online to let you know my foot got run over by a pram.

Ok byebye now.

I had a good day. I can honestly say I had a good day. I had brunch, did my laundry, spent time with the Lord, started on a book (reading one, not writing one), tidied my room a bit, watched some tv, played word games online, played the piano, discovered new jazzy chords, contemplated more on my theories about love and girl/boy/husband/wife relationships, came up with analogies, jotted my points down (so I'd remember them when I'm speaking at the women's conference. Seriously, some day). Oh, and along the way I had dinner, watched some more tv and listened to a nice jazz compilation Cheryl burned for me. I haven't felt so nice and relaxed since I started working. Thank God for days off :) What a coincidence that today on Savoir Faire, Nik Manojlovich was giving tips on how to have a relaxing weekend.

I feel good *beam* :)

You know how sometimes, the most amazing ideas can come to you when you’re sleeping? Today, something wondrously strange happened to me. I was taking a nap when the phone rang and woke me up. So I tried to get back to sleep after that. You know that stage when you’re drifting in and out of consciousness? That’s where I was. In the midst of that, I was thinking about musical instruments and worship and suddenly, my spirit spoke. Ok, I know this sounds weird but I don’t know how else to explain it. I wasn’t consciously speaking, and I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. A voice inside me just spoke, without me initiating anything. And this is what it said:

I want to make beautiful music, with my guitar, that rises up as sweet incense.

I think I kinda startled myself and I opened my eyes after that. I was like, whoa, where did that come from? And then I realised it. That was my core speaking. And I believe that the core of who you are, is the reason you were placed here on earth. We know we were all put here to praise and glorify God, to be His ambassadors. But your core is the special composite of instruments to be used by you. It’s what’s been implanted in you for you to praise Him and make His name known. In your core, are tools that you have been given to use for those very purposes. I like to call the core our spiritual DNA. Because no one on this planet has the exact same core, with the same composition, with the same percentage of make up.

Now I’ve realised that I am to make beautiful music to the Lord. Metaphorically, but I think perhaps more literally. I guess I’ve always known my purpose was somewhat driven in this direction but to be confronted with it, to realise that this is your, dare I say, “calling” (I tend not to use that word because I think it gets too jargon-ish sometimes), is somewhat phenomenal.

I realise that what I said about the core could be challenged by differing views and philosophies. It’s not something that I’ve thought about and deliberated on for a long time. It just came to me. You know the things a subconscious mind can do :) But I think the most important thing is that your heart and your motives are pure.

So anyway, I’m awake now. I couldn’t go back to sleep after that and I just had to type everything down before I forgot. *yawn* oh dear, all this excitement’s making me sleepy again. I’m glad my nap was interrupted, though, or I might not have got this epiphany. Hmm, I think I shall go look for some food now :)

There are a number of good things about working in a hotel. Apart from employee discounts at local and international hotels under the same chain, free meals, free pastries, chocolates, cakes and quiches (all unsold from the deli shop) at the end of the day, staff discounts at our F&B outlets, free entry to certain places (depending on your concierge) like Harry's Bar etc... we also have really nice (and rich) regular guests who bring snacks and fruits from their local country for the front office staff. Today, there were Indonesian crackers and rambutans in the back office. Yum :)

I feel like doing more shopping. I think the fact that I'm earning my keep is egging me on to bless the floundering economy with my samaritan-like spending. As Australia's Big Kev would say, "I'm excited!". So now that we've decided I should shop, we'll have to separate the spending into 2 categories - For me and On me. "For" me, would be things that I've wanted to get for a long time but still haven't got. DJ, remember when you were in Singapore and we went shopping for my shoes? I still haven't got them. So I've been walking around in slippers most of the time. Tops. I need more tops. I don't seem to have enough tops to wear every day. I've accumulated a number of long-sleeved, thick tops from my days down under during those glorious winter days but I don't have enough summer clothes.

Ok, now on to the "On" me category. I am toying (rather seriously) with the idea of getting my hair into curls. Nice big fat curls. I know, I've been toying with this idea since Ally McMei gave me a note on a piece of paper with 2 girls, one of whom had curly hair. But I was in Perth then and I trusted my hairdresser to cut my hair, not perm it. I think I trust local hairstylists more. So I think, I might go for it with my next paycheck. And then we have the question of contact lenses. I still think my blue glasses are beyond a doubt, utterly groovy. But I'm not allowed to have blue glasses at work. Unless I work in a theatre company or go into a full-time arts profession, then I'll have the excuse for being absolutely gorgeous, funky and out-of-this-world!!! But until then, I'll have to look normal.

And I have to get a more comfortable pair of shoes for work. My feet are swelling and killing me.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, my wish list. Actually, that's not really my wish list. My wish list would include things like jewellery from Tiffany's, Audi TTs, George Clooney... but seeing as I'll never get any of them, the appropriate term is wishlist.

Unfortunately, I have to come back to the real world now because I need to get ready for bed and wake up bright and early for church tomorrow. Then again, I could always dream about my wish list :) The 3rd item would be especially nice to dream about ;)

Nitey nite!

My Dad told me that he saw an ancient Honda Civic today. That was white. And looked exactly like my Tau Huay in Perth. But it was in pristine condition, apparently. I was amazed that they'd have such cars here, where every other vehicle is a Mercedes or BMW. I miss Tau Huay. I hear she's been sighted recently. Anyone with information about my car will get a reward. You may contact me for details. I'm serious :)

Ok, now to sort out some other details. There's an entry in my guestbook that's anonymous but that I could link to 3 people. Ok, before I go on, I need to apologise for being such an airhead but that's what makes me endearing isn't it? ;) Anyway, it starts off, "hey babe". Now the first person I think of who says that would be a certain Ally McMei. The second person who would possibly call me that, is Mr Warmsocks. So that's 2 people. It also says that I haven't replied their mail. Which leads me to think of Shin. And Ally McMei as well. So that's 3 people. "Waffling" is a term used in the entry. And that's very Australian. So I'm thinking, hmm. Ally McMei? (Ally McMei is starting to sound like a burger). Then they go on to say that they like the way I express myself and even when I'm sad, it sounds nice. So I'm thinking, Shin? Ally McMei? Mr Warmsocks?

Aaaanyhow, I've come to the conclusion that it's most likely Ally McMei. Eh, let me know so I know who to email :) Once again, apologies for the muddleheadedness. My brain's been going through a funky period lately.

For the first time in more than a month, I get 2 consecutive days off!!! My day off this week is Sunday and for next week, it's Monday! Of course, that'll mean I have to work through the whole of next week without a break in between or something. But that's alright :) Because I get 2 days off! In a row! Ok, so maybe you're thinking, "what is she making such a big deal out of?" Let me tell you, my dear brothers and sisters, when you work full six-day weeks (read: 48hours a week), any time off is precious, precious, precious (at this point, how many of you are thinking LOTR? cos that's what I was thinking as I was typing!) So I have to plan what to do on those precious 2 days. Laundry will be one item on the TO DO list. I know Mr Warmsocks is heaving a huge sigh of relief :) For your information, Mr Warmsocks, my colleagues think I smell nice, so there :P Then again, they think my perfume smells nice, which could be another thing altogether...

While we're on the subject, I need a shower.

This totally cracked me up today - my colleague told me that in the army, you get imitation Oreos and they're called Stereos!!! Not surprising actually, since our government is feeding us imitation water known as Newater.

You notice a lot of interesting (I nearly typed 'imitation') people when travelling on the MRT. A few days back, I had the displeasure of having 2 people stare at me. One of them stared nearly the whole journey and the other one looked away when I looked at him. I think it's highly annoying to have people stare at you, not to mention rude. Kelvin told me to take it as a compliment. I think if people stare at you because you look funny, it's rude. But if people stare at you because you're pretty, it's gross! I mean, it's kinda perverse, don't you think? I was really really annoyed and plastered a scowl on my face the whole time so they'd get the message. I'm just not one of those people who take stares as compliments. If you wanna compliment me, come up to me and tell me, don't staaaaare (unless you like me and I like you too.. you know, that kind... ).

Speaking of annoying, there was this really annoying caller the other day. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: Good afternoon, InterContinental Singapore, this is Melissa.
Him: Good afternoon, Malaysia!
Me: .....
*insert conversation here*
Him: Thank you, Malaysia!
Me: You're most welcome sir (translation: @#$%^&*!)

It was just one of those days...

For some reason, the first car I saw today while waiting at the bus stop outside my place, was a beetle.

I feel gross. I've just consumed 3 margaritas, half a brownie (with hot fudge and ice cream) and a bowl of fries. I just realised that I didn't have a drop of water aside from the margaritas. Man, I feel light-headed.

Cheryl and I had a wonderful time tonight. The alcohol made us go a little crazy though. I remember saying some funny things but can't recall exactly what. I do recall a lot of laughter though. I haven't met up with Cheryl in a long time so it was good to catch up and drown our sorrows. Well somewhat anyway.

So we were sitting there, having our second round of margaritas when it starts to rain. And we were outdoors (and being the adventurous people that we are, we decided to sit at a different table this time - one table away from our usual one). So we grabbed our drinks and went indoors for cover. So there we were, enjoying our drinks when the waiter brings 2 more margaritas. Puzzled, we try to tell him that we didn't order them. Waiter smiles and says they're from someone (insert 'oooh's here). Then Cheryl notices the guys at the next table looking over. Brave woman that she is, she asked if the drinks were from them. They made some lame excuse to deny it but in the end admitted that they bought the drinks. So we thanked them and they started talking to us. The conversation ranged from what we were doing, to Cheryl's thesis, to my workplace, to their serious conversations. Blah blah blah is all I have to say. Anyway, they bought us another round of drinks, which we tried to decline, and they paid for our entire bill, brownies and all.

At the end of the day, we had a relatively inexpensive night out :) And it was fun too :) But now I feel like a giant continent waiting for the seismic waves to move me. Gosh, my brain is not even working right now. I don't even know if what I just said makes sense. It probably doesn't. Ah well, a sign that I need to sleep.

G'night mates.

So I didn't get the Mango pants after all. But I did get the bag!!! Nothing like retail therapy to make a girl truly happy :) For about 3 hours. Then the novelty wears off and the monotony of life creeps back in. Either that, or the weight of the world comes tumbling back upon your shoulders. Oh well, $29 for 3 hours of bliss is alright I think ;)

So anyway, we had orientation again today. I love orientation 'cos we get to sit in nice (albeit freezing) function rooms and have tea breaks every 2 hours and we get to wear home clothes! And we ended so early today! We were supposed to end at 5pm but we finished so early that I had time to go to Mango, walk around Raffles City a bit and reach home at 5.45pm. Life should be like this :)

The first thing we did during orientation today was to draw a picture of a pig. The way you draw your pig apparently says a lot about you. Apparently, if you drew your pig with 4 legs, it means you're living in uncertain times. Very true for me. My pig had 4 stumpy trotters. And if you drew your pig with a long tail, it means your love life is going well. The longer the tail, the better your love life. So not true. My pig had a long and curly tail but it ain't helpin' my love life, ya know what I'm sayin'? So yeah, we had fun. And there was good food too... dainty chicken pies, chicken wings, brownies with pecans, tiny blueberry muffins... mmm... melly like....

Hungry now... I feel like eating fried chicken. I know it's terribly unhealthy but man, fried chicken is so tasty!! Not the KFC type though. Proper fried chicken. The home-cooked way.

I think I'm going to take a nap now. Me tired.

I've been getting a lot of flak at work lately, from being told that I don't have enough makeup/lipstick on my face, to housekeeping calling me about a wrong work order that I keyed in, to one assistant manager who seems to keep picking on me. At times, I ask myself why I'm doing all this when I could be in proper clothes instead of a costume, sitting at a desk instead of standing 8 hours every day, applying as little makeup as I want on my face. 99% of me is saying, "You shouldn't be doing this, just quit! All you need to give is one week's notice!". 1% of me is saying, "Hang in there, Mel. There's a purpose for you in this job. Don't be a quitter at the slightest setback". And you know what? I have to listen to that 1%. Because I think that 1% is right. Don't you hate it when reason wins out? :)

There are highs in the job too. It's not a total nightmare. Last night, an elderly couple came to settle their bill and I asked them if they'd enjoyed themselves here. They said that we all made their stay very enjoyable and they were so grateful. It's such a joy to know that you've made someone's stay memorable, that you were able to take care of all the nitty gritty just so they could enjoy themselves without a care, that you went beyond simply checking them in but doing it all with a smile. They are what makes my job worth doing. After a month in the job, I've seen really unreasonable guests, guests with bad attitude who think they're kings and queens and we should bow to them each time we see them and impatient guests who won't tolerate a 5 second delay in the printing of their bills. When you finally meet guests who appreciate what you're doing for them and thank you for it, it's enough to erase the unpleasantness of all the others who've brought your day down.

At the end of the day, each job brings with it unique challenges. I'm grateful to all those of you who've told me that it's not embarrassing to be working in front office and that it's a proper, decent job. I've really had to struggle with the fact that I'm doing what I'm doing. Each day, it weighs heavily on me that I didn't go to university to come back and be the highest qualified front office staff on the board. Every day, it haunts me. It knaws at me. And I laugh it off. I make jokes about it. But I cannot deny the fact that it's taken a lot of courage for me to step into this position. And it's a daily struggle.

And so I've had to be humble. And push my paper qualifications aside. God knows my capabilities, my intelligence, my qualifications. And I'm reminded that these have to be used for Him, for His glory. Not mine. So please pray along with me, that I'll be able to find joy and purpose and meaning in the humblest of tasks (btw, it's not as easy as it seems in front office), that the Lord's favour will be upon me and that He'll give me the strength to take whatever difficult things (assistant managers included) come my way. Will sign off now. Having lunch home on a Sunday. Haven't done that in eons.

Just read your blog. As I scrolled through your recent entries, I realised that you're really angry with him. And that's alright. Because it's perfectly normal. But don't be angry for long. For your own sake. Because it will kill you. It will kill off a part of you that was not meant to disappear. I know you've been hurt by different people and that the latest guy didn't seem to learn from his predecessors' mistakes. But realise that he didn't know them. And, much as it is difficult to believe, he didn't mean to hurt you. Only a really really mean (for want of a better word) person would intentionally hurt someone as much as he hurt you. And I believe he isn't that mean person. And I hope you believe that too. Because whatever happens in the end, you need to still love him as a person. And that can be a really hard thing to do.

Never stop believing in people. If any of us still has an ounce of childlike innocence in us, we should hang on to that for dear life. If we don't, we will let cynicism creep slowly into our lives and eventually poison our hearts and minds. And there are few things more tragic than that.

It takes a lot of determination, strength and courage to forgive. And you know, it takes humility too. Forgiveness is not an easy step. It takes time before you can come to that point and truly say that you forgive. And it's ok to take that time. Just don't take too long :)

My dear friend, I'm so sorry that you've been hurt. And I know that he's sorry too. And so is He. And I know that this is really really difficult right now, but please don't think of him as less of a person than he is. Because the same God that made him, made you. And you are a beautiful person. Realise that he is too. No matter how bad he hurt you. Please don't let anyone take that trusting heart from you. And even as I'm telling you this, I'm reminding myself. I know it's hard to trust someone again with your heart because it feels like they took it and stomped all over it without regard. But it's important to let go of that fear. Don't let it cripple you. Let this whole experience make you a better person, not a scarred one. And even if you do get scars along the way (which we all do), Jehovah Rapha is our healer. The King of kings is your physician, don't worry that you'll never heal :)

And you know what? I believe in you.

*this post was written yesterday, or rather today after midnight but blogger wouldn't post it and so now I'm posting it*

Caught a movie with my colleague today after work. Those of you who haven't watched "The Emperor's Club" should go see it. Finally, a movie that's wholesome. If you liked "Dead Poets Society", you'll like this one. So after the movie, we had coffee at Starbucks before I had to leave for my dinner date with my cell triplets.

Dinner was an ok affair at Seah St. Deli. Food wasn't fantastic. I was glad for the opportunity to take time off our schedules to just lay back and chat. After dinner, we met up with another triplet group - the guys. Two of the guys in the other group were boyfriends of my triplet compatriots so we arranged to have drinks together. I didn't really want to meet up with the other group because I felt that it should just be the 3 of us spending quality time with one another and not "catching up with the boyfriends". But I guess I understand where they're coming from. I suppose I would have wanted to meet up with the guys too if I were in their shoes. Then again, I'm not sure. I think I'd want my boyfriend to spend quality time with his mates as well if there was a day specially set aside for that in place of cell group. I mean, I didn't mind meeting up with the other group. Just that I didn't think it was necessary. Oh well. I'm not upset or anything, it's just a point of view.

While waiting for the guys, we went to Mango to look around and I loved almost every pair of pants I saw. I really really like Mango pants :) And their bags are nice too. But the pants cost $98 : ( I'm so so tempted... hmm... should I dig into the ang pow fund? I still haven't touched the ang pows my parents gave me. Gosh, the pants are really really nice.... did I already say that? They're so groovy! And I really want to get the bag as well. But I seem to be talking like I earn $2000 a month. Then again, I haven't bought something for myself since new year. I think I deserve to right?

*If at this stage you are confused about my ramblings, let me explain it to you: you are witnessing the processing of information in my brain and the feeble attempt to psyche myself into justifying an action that would otherwise be unjustifiable. I hope that makes sense*

I also want to cut my hair. Short. And kinda wispy and sticking out at the ends. With a somewhat fringe. And again, I'm talking like I earn a lot of money. Did I also mention contact lenses? How ah? So many things, so little money. It's not so much that I don't have the money, it's more of the fact that I'm not willing to spend so much on myself. It's that little thing called a guilty conscience. Hmm... what to do, what to do...

By the way, tonight at Raffles Hotel, we walked past this Caucasian gentleman and I almost nodded a "Good evening, sir" to him. It was such a reflex action that I was taken aback. I think I'm working too hard. And too long. Seriously. Maybe I should go get those pants after all... (see how everything always links back to the pants?)

So while I go to bed and contemplate further the pants issue, I will end my post with my best wishes to the En Route team. I hope everything goes well for you and that you will all be ambassadors for Christ tomorrow. Today, actually. God bless you all :)

Nite.

I am not happy with Blogger. For some reason, I haven't been able to update my template hence, I've not been able to add links in my link section. Not happy. And Kel, I don't seem to be able to post msgs on your site either. I don't know why. It's like the entire blog community is against me. Boo hoo. Bleah. Poo.

Anyway, I think I've been sucked into the world of THOSEWHOWORK(forpeanuts). I've been dreaming about work, dreaming about fighting with colleagues to use the last functioning terminal, experiencing heart palpitations when my phone rings in case someone from work is calling me about something I did... in other words, I've been experiencing certain levels of stress. I suggest we start a new union for THOSEWHOWORK(forpeanuts). That's right, you heard me. The TWWFP union. AND, I suggest that TWWFP union members should receive benefits such as spa packages (totally justifiable and not at all an unreasonable demand, if you ask me), a separate (and fully sponsored) mobile phone specifically for calls from the office (to be switched off at all times), a pay increase each time we do something right, and an encouragement letter each time we do something wrong. Of course, if the pay increase continues to the point that we do not qualify as members of the TWWFP union anymore, we should be allowed to leave the union with a full year's salary for being loyal to the union in the first place. So how? Anyone interested?

In home news, I opened my fridge yesterday to find 2 cartons of Magnolia chocolate milk. Now here's some advice for all you in the milk business - the darker and richer the colour of your chocolate milk, the higher the perceived quality and taste. No kidding. It was in one of my marketing textbooks (although I think they might have been talking about coffee). But it's true. I saw the colour and immediately thought it would taste absolutely wonderful. That's half the consumer battle won, all you marketers out there. So remember, the colour of your food product is very, very important.

And yes, if you must know, the milk was yummy. And no, I'm not an undercover Magnolia agent.

The food in the staff canteen is getting progressively worse. One more complaint to bring up to the TWWFP union. See, I'm such a Singaporean. My middle name is Complain.

That's enough for today. My day starts at 7am tomorrow so I should be getting off. Ta ta for now!

Today was Orientation Day for us newbies. Don't ask me why I'm only attending orientation after more than 3 weeks on the job. Anyway, I had a fun time today. And real hilarious moments too. See right, we were expecting a talk from the engineering department and the guy who was supposed to talk to us was called Rahim. My Indonesian colleague said he couldn't understand why anyone would name their son Rahim and so I asked why. Lo and behold, in Bahasa Indonesia, "rahim" means the female um, shall we say... entrance. But of course, in his deadpan way, my colleague used the "V" word and my other friend and I just cracked up. And I said I couldn't look at Rahim with a straight face when he came. True enough, when Rahim came in, I started giggling. And my other female colleague starting giggling as well. Now, if you've ever tried to control your laughter (think those stifled giggles during assembly and flag-raising, or maybe during sermons, or lectures and tutes), you will understand the pain you have to go through to stifle your amusement. It's mixed with a sense of fear that you'll get called up and embarrassed in front of everyone. So there I was, trying my darndest to stop laughing but I couldn't. And when I looked at my friend, she would start laughing too. And then the worst thing happened. Rahim introduced himself. I nearly died. My shoulders were rapidly going up and down and my face was contorted in a pained fashion. Man, I can't even begin to tell you how much I wanted to burst out in rolling laughter. But for the record, I wasn't being mean. It was just a funny thing.

The funnies continued when Rahim took us to the rooftop to show us how to use the fire extinguisher. He fired (no pun intended) the extinguisher at such a strategic level as to evoke a round of giggles from us newbies. And then he realised that perhaps he shouldn't place it so near the nether regions to simulate some other sort of activity.

So it was quite a fun-filled day and I also realised that should there be a fire in the hotel, I would be one of the last to leave because Security, Engineering and Front Office are part of the fire fighting team. Yay. I'm so thrilled. Oh, and I also learnt that a firefighter gets paid about $6000. How nice.

Went for FOP tonight. Festival of Praise. Seeing as I hadn't gone for 3 years, I thought I'd like to go and relive the good ol' days. Boy, was I in for a surprise. Firstly, there was no snaking queue. No queue at 5pm, no queue at 6pm, no queue at 7pm. Basically, you could breeze in through the doors just like that. The indoor stadium was hardly full. This time round, there were chairs on the floor (you know, where they would usually have tambourine dancers). I would say the stadium was filled to half capacity. There were no spiffy decorations either. Just plain white, hastily put up banners over the stage.

In the past, you'd go to FOP expecting to meet heaps of people (yes, I know, should go for the right reasons) and I remember when my JC class would go together, and we'd go down to pray with one another during altar calls. This time, I didn't meet any one familiar at all. Except for the COR people. But then we went together so that's not really counted.

Let me now explain why FOP was so early this year and why it's only for one day. It's early this year because the guests, Tommy Walker and his team, could only come during this time. And the reason it's only for one day is because at the indoor stadium the day before was the Cliff Richard concert and the week beginning tomorrow is Disney on Ice (!!!).

Nonetheless, I had a great time. The presence of God doesn't come only when stadiums are jam packed with people, where there are fancy decorations and graceful dancers. The presence of God falls when His people come to Him and seek His face in earnest repentance. It is awesome to be in the presence of God. Absolutely amazing.

We sang the song, "He's turned my mourning into dancing again, He's lifted my sorrows...". It's a fast song but I started tearing. And I was afraid I wouldn't stop. Because it was so painful. And I was so moved. And there, everyone was clapping along and I was brushing the tears from my cheeks. Thank God they turned out the lights and had coloured ones on stage instead. Reminds me of the "Splattered" production :)

I'm so tired now. Woke up at 6.15am today. Was almost late for work. Came back at 11.30pm. So, so tired. I have to sleep soon. I'll leave you with a little song:

Little by little, one step at a time
He's changing our hearts and renewing our minds
Teaching us how to be patient and kind
Little by little, one step at a time.